Psalm 42:1-2

2010-01-20T23:58:00.002+08:00

It seems to be always a given that we receive immeasurably more from God than we expect. And then I'll find it tough to reconcile the fact that God actually wants to patch all these things up despite little efforts from my side. Why do I even deserve it? Talking about that, it's then I realize the crux to the faith and love does not lie in our hands, it's the CROSS that's important.

It's not Christ plus your good behavior.
It's not Christ plus the years you taught a Bible study.
It's not Christ plus your tithe.
It's not Christ plus the church you attend.
It's not Christ plus the number of verses you memorize.
It's not Christ plus your title in the church.
It's not Christ plus wisdom from the latest Christian seminar.
It's not Christ plus a desert fast (or even a dessert fast!).
It's not Christ plus a good driving record.
It's not Christ plus well-behaved children.
It's not Christ plus the right job.
It's not Christ plus the right spouse.
It's not Christ plus the latest technology.

It's simply Christ plus nothing.

That being said, it's not that you don't have to put in effort, you don't have to live your Christian life, instead it's to achieve this

For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.

1 Corinthians 2:2 (NIV)

im a mole

2010-01-16T20:40:00.002+08:00

I am a mole

who wants to dig a hole

and hide in it forever

I am a mole

I dug my hole

but it does not seem deep enough for me to take full cover

I tried digging out more

but broke my claws

so now I'm left with blood and pain

How much more does it take?

Where am I being led to?

What exactly is in store for me?

I am a mole.

All I want is...

2010-01-09T23:48:00.000+08:00

If my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

When I’m blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

Oceans will part nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise glory shine
In my life Your will be done

Present suffering may pass
Lord Your mercy will last
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
And my heart will find praise
I’ll delight in Your way
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

May my heart find praise, even in times adversity.

So much comfort, to see the work of God's hands around me.

How much more I yearn to see the work of God's hands in me.

God, help me sanctify my heart such that I may draw even closer to you.

Help me with juggling the portions on my plate; and also, to prioritise wisely.

May I also hold on fast to Your promises.

: (

2009-11-04T23:51:00.002+08:00

I've diverted all my energy and creative juices to

http://becauseimacommstudent.blogspot.com

Though I no longer have to post up new articles, I still need to collect comments and reply comments! The deadline is soooooooooooo near (i.e. 8 Nov)! Please do your dear friend a favour, ok? Haha :) I'm sure your online participation can help pull up my grade for this assessment (somehow.. at least HKL says so).

Thank you very much!

2009-10-30T17:07:00.001+08:00

我现在好想談一場轟轟烈烈的戀愛，那種“不惜一切只為你”的戀愛，

就有如楊囯與小龍女的那種扣人心弦，非一般的牽絆。

但是這只能停留在幻想，因爲屬於我的愛情還沒來。

如果我能把這些都完整地呈現成一首詞，搭上不錯的曲，就會是一首好歌了吧！

哈哈，這讓我想起企鵝的“HEARTSONG”，HAPPYFEET 裏頭的。

LOVE

2009-10-06T23:42:00.002+08:00

Perfect love drives out all fear
Love makes you strong

"If you wanna have passion for Jesus, you have to study His passion for you. How much He loves you, how much He suffered and He died for you. Because 1 John 4 says we love Him because He first loved us."
- Jaeson Ma

We love because he first loved us

1 John 4:18-19

E S L 407 (2)

2009-09-28T00:42:00.001+08:00

Colours are said to have mood and character -- so what colour do you resemble? As before, this is not a question about your favourite colour, but the one you think you are like -- and why!

When I was hanging out with my close group of friends last night, I asked them to associate me with a colour (yes, I asked for help and opinions!). Most of them couldn't associate me with a specific colour, but one insists that I'm hot pink! This is because at times I can be bimbotic, loud, noisy, bright and glaring just like *hot pink*. (I must emphasise that she only mentioned ONE side of me!) So after listening to many opinions, I think I'm most like black!

Black often carries a negative meaning that some people may not want to associate with. That's just like me. As you can infer from my friend's description of me (refer to the first paragraph), strangers and even some acquaintances may not have a particularly good impression of me. Some of them may even keep a distance from me! Yet, through time and deeper understanding, people grow to realise they cannot deny my existence and my importance.

Black is a colour that could be found easily around us. See, even the font colour is BLACK. I would say that its existence may not be as noticeable as other bright colours, yet its existence cannot be denied and is very much needed. My existence in my family, among my friends, and even at church, could very much be described in the same way. For instance among my friends, I may not be the first person they approach when they need someone to help solve a problem but I'm definitely the second. Thus you could say that I am the person that they always remember as I'm always with them and they know they can fall back on me.

A quote from Amy Grant, an American singer-songwriter, "Without black, no color has any depth. But if you mix black with everything, suddenly there's shadow - no, not just shadow, but fullness." Black being the darkest colour brings out the best and the fullness of any colour. This is a characteristic that I can identify as well. My character is very much unique and different in my close group of friends. Thus my complementary character and personality works well with them and brings out the best in many situations. This is especially apparent when we work together in projects, as I would usually complement their working styles to achieve a goodness-of-fit.

Last but not least, black represents death. This is my attitude towards life. I die to my ways so that I could gain life. Death is engine of life. Seems like a paradoxical statement? Let me explain this with a parable. Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over, which signifies the abundance in life. Likewise, unless I die to my foolish and selfish ways (for example, getting jealous very easily) I would not be able to experience that abundance. And since I want to live life to the fullest, I die to yield life.

i'm on a mythbuster's mission

2009-09-21T01:37:00.003+08:00

Hello, although I'm very tired, I still want to post this up lest I'll forget.

Let me bust some myths bout uni life (more of my uni life)!

ONE, people at the college are not as open as you think they are.

This is one of the most tremendous barrier that I face in making friends. I'm good at surface talk, and developing a conversation. And though I'm open to talk deeper and develop friendship, it's just so hard ok! Moreover, people just form cliques. Cliques cliques and more cliques. Mostly with people they already know, i.e. school mates, class mates. Then who in the world says it's easy to accept a person into the clique? I find myself sticking out like a sore thumb. I'm making myself sound like some social misfit right? Hahaha, to a certain extent that's true.

TWO, teachers tell you that A levels is the worst. Well, that's true and false, cus the stress and preparation for A levels is really the worst, but in terms of work load, deadlines etc, uni is worse. I still agree that A levels is the bane of my life. Cus at least I like the modules I'm taking and I'm ok with the load (though still making some adjustments).

See, I knew I would forget what myths I wanted to bust. Yar but mainly it's the "openness" thing. Can't be explicitly explained in case someone I know trot to this page. Haha. Joking la, not like I'll bad mouth anyone or what. Despite troubleshooting my brain and CTRL+ALT+DEL, it seems like some information cannot be recovered. Lousy operating system. Tsk tsk. Time to sleep already. I need rest.

Oh thank God that I recovered from another fever (Tuesday/Wednesday). I'm good and well. I need to take vit C regularly. You too should to eat vit C to prevent yourself from falling sick. It was a crazy week.

3 weeks down, 10 more weeks to the end of sem.

Ok incoherence, I know.

I'm so sorry that it's a pain to read this post.

Haha, good night.

E S L 407 (1)

2009-09-21T00:33:00.002+08:00

Do you remember the story `Beauty and the Beast', in which everyone
in the Prince's household was turned into a household object by an
enchantress? Each of them became something that they were closely
associated with or with which they shared some quality.

If you were to be turned into a household object, what would it be
and why?

Of course I remember that magical tale of romance and mystique! After mulling over the question, I think I'm most like the WARDROBE!

I might seem like a plain Jane -- dull, boxy and not the life at the party. But if you would just take some time to open me up, you would find a myriad of colours and all the other qualities that can't be seen just on the surface.

Many have told me that I don't look like the type to bring fun to anywhere, looming over them, in a threatening sort of way. However as through time, they discover that I'm in fact vibrant and varied, fun in my unique way! And just like the wardrobe, I have one side for you to open and gain access to look what is inside. For me, that only door that one requires to know me on a deeper level and discover my personality beyond appearance is trust. Also, I would think that my personality builds up my confidence over how I look. Just like how nice clothes could build up one’s self-esteem and confidence.

On another note, I think that there are times a wardrobe stays shut because it chooses to not reveal to others its inner self. So it does prompt me to take on a more active role in knowing people, and in turn allowing people to know me.

Therefore in many ways, I'm just like the wardrobe! :)

c o m 1 0 1

2009-09-13T10:00:00.003+08:00

ACTIVATED!

http://becauseimacommstudent.blogspot.com

Go and comment please. This is graded. Your participation contributes to 20% of my grade, so I really need it, desperately. Go give your 2 cents' worth of thoughts! Would absolutely appreciate it my dear friends.

my sources of entertainment :))

2009-09-11T21:24:00.001+08:00

this is the original...

and this is the "pirated" version. haha

telefans

2009-09-11T01:13:00.004+08:00

As some of you might already know (I'm assuming there are still people reading my blog, haha), my family is a huge fan of the television. One poignant evidence of it -- having 7 televisions at home. So all of us do follow some television programmes rather closely. Recently, my parents and I are into watching Heart of Greed (aka Tang Xin Feng Bao) and Fated to Love You (aka Ming Zhong Zhu Ding Wo Ai Ni). In order to miss some episodes, my father kindly recorded on behalf of us. When I was about to playback some recorded shows on the player, I lol-ed at the title names my Dad saved.

Heart of Greed as Abalone King,

Fated to Love You as Chen Xi (note that the protaganist's name is actually CUN Xi, haha).

$ and time

2009-09-10T00:21:00.003+08:00

Due to the fact that I'm on loan for my studies, I'm a lil more sensitive and calculative.

For instance, I actually calculated how much I'm paying per hour to the instructor (haha).

So let me present my findings. This sememster I'm taking a total of 14 credits. I have 13 academic weeks, 3 hours per week for the 3 credits module and 4 hours per week for the 4 credits module. Each credit cost $481.50

481.5 * 3 = 1444.5

13 * 3 = 39

1444.5 / 39 = 37.038

I'm paying approx. $37 per hour! What if the instructor decides to take a 10 min break? That 10 min break cost me approximately $6.

And my point is? Idk.

Just like what my instructor told us about statistics -- it has no meaning unless you attach to it.

Well, I was plain bored.

On singlehood

2009-09-09T11:58:00.005+08:00

My Mum just called me a loser >:(

Yea, as you guessed it, on singlehood.

Just because I'm 20, and single.

And all sparked off with an innocent question from my nephew,

"When will you get your boyfriend?"

Tsk tsk. He's totally not watching his actions from the social perspective.

(Haha, yar some blabbers from my sociology module.)

Surely he knows that my Mum would continue.

Haha OK back to my main point.

There's no great deal to like why my Mum calls me a loser or what, well she doesnt fully understand the goodness of it (definitely not from someone who got married at 18). She asked me if anyone ever wooed me, and I just brushed her off the topic (as usual). Well, nothing turned out well if not I won't be here I am today haha. Then I tried to give justifications to why I am single. Gave her a very upright answer, told her I had no time for it since 50% of my life is married to my books (education so to say). Then she continued, "and the remaining 50% is to Church." So very nice of my Mum. It triggered me to think, cus what made her draw that conclusion! So I thought, I AM IN DEPERATE NEEEEED FOR NEW FRIENDSSSS! Then again, I rethink, it's okay that she thought that way. She must be jealous. She totally dismiss the time (QUALITY) that I spend at home with them. Just like how my sister recently got jealous too. Family is indeed an intricate and interesting social unit that takes more than one to maintain and grow. (If this were a academic paragraph to be graded, I'll probably not score. You got it! Incoherence. Don't even know why I included the last sentence. Well, doesn't exactly support my main idea but you get to learn my raw train of thoughts.)

And pertaining to the new buzz word among my closer (if not closest) group of friends, BUS. And bus-o-logy which is coined by Miss V, which refer to wait for the bus, the bus journey, etc to the realities of a relationship (the wait, the development, the heartbreak, the sacrifices, ...) Haha... I particularly agree or disagree with that analogy, probably cus I'm more or less contented with my wait for my Knight in shining armour. That appeals to me a lil more. Wouldn't it be nice if fairytale happens in reality?

Anyway, I'm kinda frightened by the technology the government has. Assuming that I'm like a figure that threatens public safety, they can watch my actions from the satellite, and figure out what I'm typing on my Dark Knight right now! But wait, I'm no terrorist. Haha...

I've killed time effectively.

3 more hours!

2009-08-28T20:49:00.002+08:00

I've got a fever

I'm hot

And caaaaaaaaaaannnnnnn't be stopped.

I've got a fever

I'm hot

And caaaaaaaaaaannnnnnn't be stopped.

I've got a front OOOOHHH

Back AHHHHH

Caaaaaaaaaaannnnnnn't be stopped.

I've got a front OOOOHHH

Back AHHHHH

Caaaaaaaaaaannnnnnn't be stopped.

(Body aches yo)

I've got a fever :(

The eyes of the little sister

2009-08-28T00:22:00.002+08:00

I have the eyes of the little sister.

Through these pair of precious eyes,

Everything appear to be tainted pink;

And all so rosy, pretty, sweet and shiny.

If not for the guardians and angels in my life

That safeguard my eyes so jealously for me,

The precious sight of the little sister would be

Stolen

Away

By the thieves in life.

Hatred

Failures

Hedonism

Maliciousness

Non-exhaustive,

(And a lack of ideas)

But you get what I mean.

Harsh realities still exist,

This is not a form of escapade.

Rather it's embracing the non-critical way to look at things.

At 20,

I'm still looking through the eyes of the little sister.

At 80,

I'll still be looking through the eyes of the little sister.

No matter how time weathers me,

I am a much cared and looked after little sister.

Nothing will make me give up this pair of eyes :)

Time

2009-08-24T11:01:00.003+08:00

1, 2 years ago,

I was whining how time crawls,

And that I want it to zoom past me.

Now,

I am whining how time flies,

And that I want it to slow down.

But no matter how much I whine,

No matter how I cross and uncross my fingers;

Since time immemorial the second ticks by,

Not any faster nor slower,

Waits for no women,

Waits for no men.

i'm more than a fan girl

2009-07-17T22:32:00.004+08:00

Definitely!

(Please read title.)

There's a proverb, that's used to warn against being too curious... You got it!

"Curiosity kills the cat."

Well well, I beg to differ! If not for my curiosity and intuition, I wouldn't have made my findings. Hahaha...

First, Japanese former Prime Minister's son is an entertainer! Ok fine, an actor. But still! If that were to happen in Singapore's context, it means that Lee Kuan Yew's son, Lee Hsien Loong and/or Lee Hsien Yang has/have their faces plastered on TV because they're acting in the latest Mediacorp drama. That's why it amused me a lot! Anyway, you may be a lil lost... like who I'm talking about right. It's Koizumi Junichiro (better known as 小泉純一郎) and his son, Koizumi Kotaro.

Wondering why in the world I learnt this fact? Because I watched Gokusen 3 and checked out the drama on dramawiki then went on to see if the actors are recognised or not and thus TADA! :)

Then another interesting discovery. Cus after watching all those anime and Jap dramas, I'm really curious bout the Christian population in Japan (and seriously researching since I'm considering........). So I googled "Japan Christians", learnt about the numbers and how the Christians got persecuted in the Meiji period. Then I googled "Japanese Celebrity Christian". Haha I admit that was probably a fan girl moment. But that moment brought me to something else! I happen to chance upon this thread on crunchyroll that says Christian Celebrities. Since it's a forum thread, people just actively throw in names. Not surprising that the names thrown in are mainly South Korean celebrities. I was so actively looking for Japanese celebrity, but to no avail. Then there's really v silly comments like... (I kinda paraphrased them cus I can't remember exactly and closed the window already)

"My heart swelled when I know *who and who* is a Christian! I'll probably see him in heaven :)"

I lol-ed at that. A pretty silly and cute comment. And more matures ones like

"Isn't it good to know that the people you look up to actually share something in common with you? We love the same God!"

Something like that. Of course a midst all these, there are people who were really negative, and questioned why someone actually started this forum thread. A lil disheartening, cus their perception of Christians is that we think highly of ourselves, and accuse non-Christians for not having the right morals. Then there's people who keep actively rebuke them and make things worse -.- It was so interesting that I read all 16 pages of it. Haha..

What I got out of it --

1. There's really v little Christians in Japan! Like what I read off from wikipedia, 1-2% of the whole population. That's why I say I want to................................. :)

2. People wear the symbol(s) of crucifix without knowing the underlying meaning.

3. Celebrating Christmas really just because it's a happy occasion (leaving out its true meaning).

4. Vanness Wu's blog.

Points 1-3 are about Japan.

Shall elaborate a lil more bout point 4! In my memory, Vanness Wu stays as the v gross ABC guy that has rebonded hair till today. His blog totally changed my view of him. He was really bold to declare his faith, and share about his past and learnings on his blog. I thought that it was really admirable simply due to the fact that he's an entertainer. Every single move is watched closely by others, and anything bad would be brought to scrutiny. Even I find it hard to post about God every time. With the thought that people may take me for being too extreme and/or too religious. So after reading his posts on his blog, I felt really encouraged. Happy too! To know there's a fellow servant of God striving hard :)

A one-liner that struck me hard from his entries,

"We may feel lost.. But God knows exactly where we are."

V.Wu

I've really come to the time to pick myself up and move on.

Last note, my sister keeps commenting that the graduates at her office speak bad english. Or rather, engrish. Then she'll say they're like "people like me". TSK, major tsk. But maybe, that's how it really is, judging by how I actually wrote for this post. Haha, or is it just me?!

I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN

WORK HARD, PLAY HARD, PRAY HARDER!

Gokusen

2009-06-30T17:34:00.002+08:00

If you're a sucker for the comedy, drama, school and/or slapstick of life genre, you'll love this jdrama! :D As the title of the post suggest, it's GOKUSEN I'm talking about. It means gangster teacher. One of the many reasons why I like it and would introduce to others because there are plenty of learning points, thought provoking, and all these are brought out in a v light-hearted manner. Moreover, you witness how lives are transformed. And I'm not talking about the one-way that kinda transformation. Like those overused and cliche of how great a teacher can be and influence the juveniles' lives. But rather, you witness how a person if transformed by fervently pursuing her passion.

Below are some quotes from the drama. Hope it makes sense to you, just as it did to me! :)

"For a man, a time will come when you have to fight to protect something. When that time comes, how much you can do will determine your worth. The basic form of fighting is one-on-one, bare hand. Don't mix that up with cowardly violence. Fight is done with a passion to protect protect something dear to you."

Yankumi Ep5

"Everyone wants to run away when there's trouble.

But if you run away then, that's it, isn't it?

Even when something bad happens, you gotta pick yourself up and keep going. Isn't that what life is all about?"

Yankumi Ep6

"You (referring to Yankumi) taught us that the more trouble there is, the happier people can become."

Grandpa Ep8

"No one enjoys smooth sailing throughout. If you aren'tle to overcome a setback yourself, a little tumble and your life is over. What are you doing stuck at the same place. You still have a long way to go. You gotta open up your own future by yourself. You have what it takes to do that, don't you?"

Yankumi Ep9

"Studying is not for getting good grades, but for training yourself to overcome hardships. People cannot live alone. That's why they learn to live with others. School is there for you to learn things like that."

Yankumi Ep12

2009-06-29T17:25:00.002+08:00

I was reflecting and pondering about the meaning of "wait".

You know, in your walk of life, you'll just come to this point when you just wait, wait, and wait. Endless waiting, endless waits. From the smallest and slightest things, you have to wait. I must be at that point right now. It bores me, and it's as though there's absolutely nothing to look forward to. I wait and see no answer, see no progress to my wait. You know the stuck-in-a-traffic-jam feeling? Haii, and that also spells the word sian. And so I thought, how can I make it better?

Wala, I've got an answer. To embrace active waiting. I looked back at how I handled some rather long waits in the past, and felt it was more enjoyable if I participated actively in the wait. God told me to pray. Thank God I don't have to wait to pray. Relentless praying is what God asked and is asking me to do. Relentless... indeed it'd be tough and tiring. For the effort that I put in, won't there be sweet returns? Please God?

Wait.

h a p p y

2009-06-24T21:00:00.003+08:00

A week just zoomed past like that. And now, it's mid week of the new week!

I'm still like super tired. I should consider becoming a fan of "I stay up late for no reason" on facebook. Haha, I may belong to this league of stupid people. Anyway, I've been leading a little/no income period. Rah, cus school is closed (no relief teacher assignments) and I'm no longer actively seeking for a job. I'm holding on to my one and only tuition assignment. One more to come? Yea, praying hard for it.

Though I'm not eligible for any short getaways (which I still desire pretty much), I'm glad I've got friends who are my getaways in this crazy world :)

Just went Mind Cafe@Safra last Tuesday with Babes :D I had such great fun. Half-way thru the play time, I tell you, we were so so so saturated. Haha. We were so unappreciative of the game the waiter introduced us man. Still, we had fun and great catching up of course! The v hot Chilli Tapioca Chips deserve some mention too. My goodness, it was so hot and spicy can! I gulped down a cup of water after eating just some of them. Haha

An impromptu dinner outing, cus we were spare tyres. Haha... Had this craving of some decent and nice Chinese food and got satisfied. Thank God we met in town if not I think we wouldnt have eaten that lo. I was a bit incoherent with the rest that day, partly caused by me being too passive, still had great food, company and some birthday (for others) shopping. Haha.

Met up with Qi on Friday too. Chicken wings and Jolly Shandy, what a good combination right? Standing by you any time, dudette :)

Apart from laughing hard and dippering on friday night, it was the start of the durian eating man. Since then, there was another two home durian binging sessions. You wouldnt believe how many durians my father bought. He is totally into it. Plus the price of durians being so low, he just couldnt resist bringing them home. I hope at least for the rest of this week, there wont be any more durians :)

Two things that I felt strongly over the past 1.5 week --

One, people always change, and it's not always for the better. I may mourn over the latter, yet I rejoice because people do change for the better and I'm a witness for that.

Two, happy is an understatement.

growing up

2009-06-18T23:14:00.002+08:00

The bulk of why I don't really like growing up is because many responsibilities and stuffs zoom in, and you're forced to confront them, accept them, move on with them. That feeling and process sucks. I've yet to come to the point to really like it.

To be honest, I'm feeling really tired and exhausted (over the camp and many misc matters), and just need to perhaps let loose, share my sorrows (吐苦水), do something that excites me so much that it'd help me recover. I'm not even half way there. I can always initiate a coversation with a close friend (which I do have) and have the me-me talk. But I think I'm losing the art of it and don't see the point of it. Choosing delayed gratification? Maybe. Being part of the fast food generation... maybe not. It's a dilemma, if you would understand. So what that leaves me to? Being pushed to it.

Even a thousand times :S wouldnt be able to decribe the kinda :S I'm feeling.

Disgusting. Partly to blame the dutiful hormones.

Ok fine, at least extraordinary good things do happen to me once in a blue moon :)

On the way to Miss Independent? :S

This is the day

That the Lord has made

I will rejoice

And be glad in it

This is the day that the Lord has made

I will rejoice and be glad in it

This is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made.

My God is Mighty to Save

2009-06-17T13:29:00.002+08:00

My 6th year into Student Camp, my 5th year as a camp group leader. And took a step to take on the role of a wl as well. Above all, thank God! For He has sustained me for 5D5N (including the dedication night), for He has once again saved the souls of the lost.

No doubt it was very tiring, yet it was fulfilling :)

Counting my blessings

& keeping you in prayer,

Shu Ling

P.S.: Last night my little nephew crept into my room and asked if he could bunk in with me. I simply answered I needed space, and it's not the physical space that I'm talking about. Amazingly, my 10 year old nephew understood that I needed some time on my own.

2009-06-04T23:30:00.002+08:00

Trust.

I always believe that trust is so integrated into our daily activities that sometimes we just refuse to admit that we trust. Paradox. Yea, surely it is.

When we get on board a bus, we trust that the driver will not go on a wrong course, and that we will reach our desired destination.

When we cross the road, we trust that the other road users are good compliant individuals as well.

When we sit on a chair, we trust that the chair will not collapse.

So it's rather evident that we trust in the sub conscious mind. Then why is that when we have to make a step to trust, a deliberate act and/or action, we shun away?

Out of our own convenience?

Because we calculate too much our personal cost?

Because we think that "trust" should be more structured?

Because we are afraid of what "trust" brings about?

A mix of everything I presume. What I learnt is that when we learn to trust, the return is sweet. And probably multiple-fold to that of your cost.

蓝又时

推推推！！

She's good :)

I like her whole aura and the way she presents herself. Other than her voice and her works that attracted me, her belief that her voice will help heal people is a really a great dream for God. May God use her!

M

2009-06-01T23:24:00.002+08:00

Music is more than a gift,

it's a language.

This is one of the many things I learnt over the weekend.

The pace at which my thoughts run is so fast that I can't catch up with them.

Rah, what an internal struggle.

But thank God for that too. If not for that, I would think that I'm imbecile and capable of nothing.

movie post :)

2009-05-31T23:07:00.002+08:00

Watching movies puts a smile on my face :)

I watched these:

Angels and Demons

I'm not a sucker for this genre of movies, but it keeps my brain from dysfunctioning. It's q worth iit to watch, much better than Da Vinci's Code. I like all the architecture featured in the movie. Really nice! :)

MonstersVSAliens (3D)

Light hearted movie, nothing more than that. I like that jelly. Without it, the movie would be rather stagnant. The 3D effects were disappointing though. Thought there could be more "pop-ups" (if you know what I mean).

Dive!!

Yay, nice movie. Love it. If you like movies with more drama, watch more Japanese movies along this line. Stirs your emotions and makes you think about your own. And after the movie, I made a pact with myself to find out more about the actors in this movie. My my, I'm so impressed. (Some trivia... it's a lil lengthy) The main actors, Sosuke Ikematsu and Kento Hayashi, are 19 this year! Older than I expected. They look really young in the movie. I thought they were only 14/15! And Sosuke Ikematsu is the little boy who acted in the Last Samurai. they must have trained and practised hard for the movie. They are not professional divers you know. Cool stuff.

in short...

2009-05-31T21:38:00.004+08:00

I'm finally here :)

This means that I'm finally having some time on my own to consolidate my thoughts and update. YAY

First, just wanna express how much I dislike MLM (Multi-Level Marketing). As some of you may know, the money deficient shuling has been actively seeking for a job (still unemployed and floating FYI), and I have an open resume at jobscentral. So apparently, Mr.W viewed my resume, and contacted me recently. The phone conversation was so not pro. He didn't introduce himself, he didn't tell me where he's calling from, he didn't tell me what the company is selling. Even after my prompting, he answered only briefly. But from those brief answers, I could identify what company it is already. V enture E ra ! Tell you how I discover it.

1. They would tell you that they run events, and that you only have to commit very little time (Mr.W quoted me 8 hours per week to earn up to 1.5k and above).

2. For V E, they sell some water purification technology. Something along that line.

3. Their main office is at Eunos.

How I know about that? Because I went there before, without knowing what orientation I was in for. Obviously, I'm not convinced by them. The people they put on the front line to recruit more people are just not pro enough. Their demonstration is extremely flawed (takes no more than O level knowledge to see through the tricks). And for this time, they failed the phone conversation (more details: refer to above, and he even asked me to take down his number so that I can pass it on to others. Like NO, I'll never do that).

Oh and guess what, there is also a Mr.D, who's in my rather extended network (mere acquaintance, school mate) that wanted to rope me into this business too. Seriously... -.-

I am not trying to condemn them for who they are. In fact, I totally respect people in this line -- just that I would rather stay out of it. I don't even want to be a consumer of their products (I don't want to be in their cycle of MLM!). Anyway, their marketing and sale tactic reminds me of timeshares. Given that my dad was hoaxed into it, I just dislike this kinda sales and that alike.

Conclusion: Dear friends, don't even go for the orientation if you're not interested in this kinda marketing tactic.

Rather long post already, haha. Thought I could still keep this "in short".

Shall continue my musings another day :)

catchy catchy!!

2009-05-21T22:48:00.002+08:00

After tuning myself into the Korean mood, I realised that Korean songs have something in common. They are all v catchy! My goodness. I'm very amused and very entertained. And some of them actually have nice dance :) I like SS501. Yea cus I'm biased. Cus I like Kim Hyun Joong :)

"Sorry Sorry... Sorry Sorry.. "
Will just hum with it and attempt to do the actions. Haha

dont have hyun joong though.
"I'm your man, I'm your man...."

not forgetting the *hot stuff*
-points- "I want nobody nobody but *chu*" -clap clap-clap clap-

Regret...

2009-05-18T17:25:00.001+08:00

is something that is considered really v undesirable to me.
Never did I think that I would regret the next moment I breathe in, the next moment I blink. :S The feeling is horrendous. I've been learning, and learning and learning, and still not learning things right. Sometimes I would have the thought of giving up but what keeps me going is that there're people who trust me, and trust that I will become better. Away, upsetting thoughts... come settle in, happy thoughts.

Ok I feel better now :)
Again I say God is good. I applied what I just learnt again -- to be contented even when faced with disappointments. It's comforting to know that God didn't put in me a desire to stay status quo.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.
-- 2 Corinthians 4:7-11

After all, I think I'm getting more and more incoherent with my thoughts. Losing all the GP skills that I've acquired, must be the hiatus. *screams* I want to study!

Free, music

2009-05-13T00:30:00.000+08:00

My God is mighty
He reigns above the rest
My God is worthy
And deserves all the praise
My God is wonderful
And is full of grace
Ooo My God
You're the best I ever had

ehhh

2009-05-12T23:23:00.000+08:00

I was on my way home and I realised that I really dislike competitions.

Because of competitions, there must be winners and losers. It's cliche and almost obsolete to say "Everyone's a winner" or "We are all victors". Cus believe it or not, you either win or you lose, nothing in between. Anything good said bout losing is just to help pick up the losers, or at least allow them (or in my case, I) to rebuild self-esteem.

You know, there's no such thing as a fair competition. To begin with, everyone is born with different capabilities. If there's really fair competition, nobody will lose, assuming that each and everyone is on par in terms of skills and pre-requisites. Fact is, there are people who are born to win, people who are born to lose. Without people who are born to lose, the world will never acheieve its equilibrium.

Ahh.. don't you point finger or pass judgement on me saying that I'm being kinda critical and pessimistic here. It's this very fact that makes you different from another, makes me different from the winner. There's no harm losing everytime (for me that is). Cus it's the time when I learn that I'm weak; when I rely on God even more than I did; when I realised God works beyond my failures; when I'm assured that I'm still wonderfully made (Psalm 139). It's okay to lose. After so many times I breakaway, I'm quick to admit my failures and bounce back. Good things that God makes out of bad circumstances, seriously. *smiles

So out of the blue right? I know too. It's just some random musings that I have had to jot down somewhere and this happens to be the ideal space for me :)

I want to be like Naruto :)

2009-05-03T00:57:00.003+08:00

Haha, I know the title's a bit cheesy, but YES, I want to be like Naruto!

You must be wondering why... of all people I actually want to be some silly random anime fictional character. It's more than that ok! As I was catching up with those episodes from Naruto, I really see how he works out of his own situation to become stronger, and goes to the extent of risking his life for his friend, and protecting his beloved ones. How he's been through the deepest time of his life, and pulled through and resolved that he has to become stronger in order to save his friend, to salvage their bond. It's touching and he's amazingly strong. Not the superficial kind, not that he has no tears no feelings, he's got the strength from within, to not seek the easy way out things but choose to discipline himself to go through the tough trainings. He's also very persistent and never gives up even when experiencing countless failures.

For me, I've also been torn down. And now I'm being restored and built up once again. The challenge to myself is to become stronger... such that I can withstand the stress and be able to stand firm on my grounds and support the people I love and treasure. Tough lesson to love, to go beyond a sentiment and bringing about actions. Ah ha, so may I discover more about it and may God unveil more of His wonders to me :) Oh and to lift the focus away from myself. I never realised I was that self-centred until like last month (scary right?!).

Anyway, I've discovered that I'm a v concept based person. I'll tend to take out what I learn from my experience and draw a concept, so that it'd help stay with me. So yar, this is my Naruto concept :)

Otaku -- 宅男/宅女

2009-04-19T21:32:00.039+08:00

So you may ask, what's the meaning of Otaku?
Literally, Otaku (おたく/オタク) means "house" in Japanese. But now, it's commonly used to refer to people with obsessive interests, particularly anime, manga, and video games.

The Otaku lifestyle slowly creeped into my life. Haha.. not a serious case though. I still bathe, and take my meals regularly... in short I'm normal, unlike those queer cases seen elsewhere. Even I myself can't really believe I watched all these in less than 2 months.

Anime/OVA

1. Toradora!

Loved this! Though the story unfolded really slowly and the ending was a little hasty, it's really nice. Like really really.

2. Skip beat!

Another nice anime. And the chibis are so cute! The above is my personal favourite. It tickled me so much that I had to screen capture it, lol. Before the anime even ended, I went to read the manga. From 1 to the most updated one, chapter 138 that is.

3. Ouran High School Host Club

This is not v new, still it's nice! :) Ahhh.. I know I'm not at all convincing, just keeping myself entertained w this post. Haha

4. Naruto Shippuuden

An anime that moved me. I watched from episode 1 to the lastest episode.

5. Lovely Complex

I didn't like the artist's drawing. But the plot is not bad, and I just watched it anyhow.

6. Special A

Neither memorable nor forgettable. If you get what I mean.

7. Kuroshitsuji

Dark, and surprisingly humorous.

8. D.M.C (Detriot Metal City)

I caught the movie as well. It was as funny as its OVA, and less vulgar.

Drama (or jdorama, they call it)

1. Mei-Chan No Shitsuji

Nothing epic. Even the twists were predictable. Apart from all those crapiness, I like this:
"Let me be your sword, and let me be your shield."

2. Bloody Monday

Somehow I was just attracted to the plot. So much so that I could not stand waiting for it to buffer online and bought the DVD.

3. Rookies

Inspiring story I would say. I could feel and identify with captain when he was down, even though it's not pertaining to the same dream or aspiration. I'm left with the last episode! Gonna watch it with yb like real soon.

Favourite quote from the show by far

這就是考驗。

考驗只會找能夠戰勝它的人。

-- 川藤幸一 Kawato Koichi

Strangely, it reminded me of this quote:

That which does not kill me only makes me stronger.

-- Rocky Marciano

Movie

1. Koizora

No matter how cliche the plot is, it still moved me to tears. Not because I'm weak, but it's how it stirred my emotions. Pink equals love and romance? Think again, it's more than meets the eye.

An unexpected find:

帅！Miura Haruma (三浦春馬). He's the lead for both Koizora and Bloody Monday :)

Nice fringe.

Nice smile.

Straight, medium-sized teeth.

Oh and not forgetting the good acting skills. At times overexaggerated though. But good enough for a 19 year old!

Finally finished with my post, nya!

*P.S.: The alignment for this post is screwed, and looks different on different browsers! It looks good on Chrome, ugly on I.E. and I hope it's not worse on Firefox :S

2009-04-13T23:21:00.004+08:00

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

-- James 1:19-20

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

-- Psalm 139:23-24

God, take charge.

Come to the Father

Though your gift is small

Broken hearts, broken dreams, broken lives,

He will take them all

The power of the Word

The power of His blood

Everything was done

So you would come

& So I would come

2009-04-11T02:02:00.002+08:00

it's only human to feel unjust.

it's only human to feel upset.

it's only human to experience pain.

it's only human to respond with unpleasantness.

it's only human to show preference (Darwinian's theory on natural selection).

it's only human to be weak.

tsk tsk, 0208 and I'm still not asleep.

It's not something emo emo. Perhaps partially. It's strange, some may say, that I actually derive sense of security being true to myself, to be only human. On Earth, there ain't no superman, no wolverine, no fairy God-mother; none is superhuman. Thus dont expect others to be superhuman. They are only human too isn't it?

Another lesson learnt on life (ok I sound supremely old)... there's plenty of gives and takes. It is near unbearable when you give and dont receive. Encouragements to self: hang on to faith; don't give up praying though you v much wanted to; take a step back; know that learning takes time; remember patience and perseverance? yup hang on; keep your eyes on Jesus; WWJD?

Good night and sleep tight.

May God bless.

feelings

2009-04-10T20:37:00.002+08:00

苦，

因爲

痛

。

超過于皮肉之苦

打從心裏發出來的痛

悄悄侵蝕一身

主愛奇妙莫名

TGIGF

2009-04-10T20:30:00.003+08:00

33, the age that You died for me.

33, You crowned it with Your life upon a tree

The mystery of Your love for me.

33, the age that You died for me.

33, You crowned it with Your life to set me free.

The mystery of Your love.

The mystery of Your love for me.

-Parts from Corrinne May's 33

Because of Your Death, I'm alive again.

Thank God for Christ was borned to die.

Hi, I'm back

2009-04-04T22:31:00.002+08:00

I've wanted to update my blog like who knows when.

I've been procrastinating so much that I did not. And when I really really want to, I'm out without my laptop.

Ok, I still will update, just that the posts will be dated earlier.

Nothing much has been happening in my life, that's probably why God plant new things for me to handle. I must be too idle. There's a nice analogy that my wonderful sister shared today. I can't remember the exact phrasing, but it's something along the line of "No one trips over a mountain, it's the pebbles that trips along the way." it doesn't take long for one to agree to this. Indeed there are many small pebbles that may make me trip as I make my way up the mountain. But what would I choose?

To give up trying, and lose my chance to reach the top?

Or do I get myself up, and overcome the next pebble that comes my way?

The load is heavy, but I guess I'll still choose the latter.

This road ain't easy, yet I can do it cus I'm not alone.

It takes time to grow. I must have the self-discipline to not rush things. No one can yield a good crop over a day. The process and time taken for a flower to blossom and grow is a beautiful thing. Same with faith. Our circumstances forces us to stretch it as well. Sighing a year's worth and mourning over matters is silly, and I know that. Thus, move on. I have to learn to be patient, and invest in it over time -- that's perseverance.

It is the cry of my heart to seek Him more, stick close to Him, relying on Him, seeking comfort in Him. Thank God He's God.

dear kamisama,

2009-04-04T21:36:00.003+08:00

Then Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

Luke 15:3-7

Don't go downward spiral.

It's never too late to make the turn.
I'm willing,

Amen.

2009-03-15T20:21:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling cranky.

1 i've been wanting to eat nice japanese food since last last week and i still didnt get to eat it! :(

2 and now, my parents are out dating and i'm left alone at home!

3 i'm whining over such nonsense

rah, cranky la.

closure

2009-03-10T23:42:00.004+08:00

Oh, what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Girl, you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "This is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Girl, you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "This is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagle
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says "Do not be afraid"
And the voice of truth says "This is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

'Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
-James 1:2-6

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
-James 1:12

It pricks me because it feels as though they're laughing at me relentlessly. I really felt that I was told "Girl, you'll never win, you'll never succeed." Holding on to faith, I know there is a way out; I know God has prepared the path for me to take. The voice of truth assures me time and time again, "Do not be afraid", "This is for my glory". With all those voices in my head, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

It's a closure. Though my heart quenched, it's certain that I'm moving on to the next phase of life. Sweet and blessed assurance. Thank you Jesus for making the first move. I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

thank you thank you Jesus

2009-03-09T14:12:00.004+08:00

For the lovelies who've remembered.

For the lovelies who've kept me in prayers.

For the lovelies who've supported and rooted for me.

For the lovelies who've seen me through this crisis twice.

For the lovelies whose thoughts are simply more than words.

For the lovelies who thought of my well-being before theirs.

For the lovelies who listened when I went thru the v tough time.

For the lovelies who've walked alongside with me as I chose this path.

For the lovelies who do not know how to express themselves well in front of me.

For my family.

For life's neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns.

For life is simply more than this.

Thank you thank you Jesus, for everything.

two-zero (II)

2009-03-04T23:56:00.003+08:00

I knew that some day, some one will use my age against me and I'm absolutely correct. On the most casual occassion ever, my father actually have to mention that I'm already two-zero (to be precise I'm only 19 years 8 months) and that there's a lot of things I should be thinking. And he quoted the ever convenient example, that my mum got married to him at 18, and gave birth to my brother that year as well. Then he continue to accuse me of not thinking about the future, not doing this not doing that. Yar like whatever la. Sometimes I get so fed up talking bout all these. It's as though I'm not given a chance to speak and every attempt to defend myself is futile. It's okay, I tell myself. Actions speak louder than words. I will prove him wrong.

as easy as 1, 2, three

2009-03-01T20:01:00.003+08:00

If you care to notice, there's an increasing swopping, trading in, and blar blar blar. Like the most noticeable ones would be the recent Levi's event, they give you discount if you bring in your old jeans? Or like now you bring in an old top and they give you discount? Then there's also this trade in your old training/running shoes to enjoy 25% discount off your new pair.

If only passion could be swopped away so easily

If only love could be swopped away so easily

If only...

But praise God, for this is what is said in the Bible

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

2 Corinthians 5:17

It's not that difficult to be new again, ya? :)

I'll be chill.

其實我學不會。。

2009-02-28T23:47:00.002+08:00

Some people are just fortunate to be on the receiving side most of the time, if not, all the time. It tastes really sour and bitter when your well's gone dry, and you've got nothing to offer. You look back and realised that you depended so much on what others can feed you. Tell me about self-sufficiency. It's never true.

Stage 19.7;

I'm facing what I consider a turmoil. It's not even about pressing myself too hard or what... it's frustrating that I didn't learn. You know what, things that are unseen are usually stronger and tougher than you thought. Like love, like faith, like... fear.

sweet :)

2009-02-24T23:31:00.002+08:00

I'm in such a good mood now :)

Take my time to wake up this morning, brunch at coffeeshop with my mum and my standard beverage - coffee, pick up my nephew, come back slack a while occupy my time watching videos, watching anime, then agree to a tea break date, go to the mall eat Yakun set A, laze the afternoon, walk around and spotted a real gui gui, walk aimlessly, look at pretty clothes and shoes, grab some body lotion, head home, watch anime and laugh out loud, eat delicious home cooked dinner, laze around, completed more than half of my to-do-list, ...... then up till now.

Looking forward to tomorrow, when I'll meet up with some more friends, catch a movie in the evening and have good food before that.

YAY I'm all happy again :)

"Sometimes we're on a collision course, and we just don't know it. Whether it's by accident or by design, there's not a thing we can do about it."

-Benjamin Button

of A,B,C& D

2009-02-23T21:42:00.002+08:00

At the very beginning, A likes C and B likes D. Then A and B kinda exchanged secrets. They helped each other to get close to C and D respectively (since C and D are mutual friends). A and B are neighbours. Subconsciously, they are depending on each other more and more. Once, A even got so helpless when B saved her and nearly got drowned. Everybody else in class could tell that A and B got something more than friends. But, the both of them still insist that they like C and D. Until one fine day, when B wants to confess to D already. A got so jealous and upset when he wanted to do that. She rushed out of the house, wanted to salvage the whole situation, then cried real loud when he was no longer in sight. D witnessed the whole thing. D also admires B in some way. However, considering that she's with v good terms with A, she did not want to disturb the whole equivalence. And upon seeing how A reacted, all the more she hesitate to show her true feelings. At the same time, B also feels jealous when C is getting close to A (and he's dumb enough to know that he's actually behaving that way). Then, D kinda rejected B and A no longer blushes in front of C. Why so complicated?

Aiya, so my point is, A and B should just get together! Hahaha..

Anyway this is not happening to me or anyone else that I know, it's just an anime I'm watching (i.e. Toradora) and I'm a little frustrated with the progress of the anime. It's sloooooooooooooooooow, and it's getting no where. Hmph.

scars

2009-02-19T13:44:00.002+08:00

Scars are beautiful.

I won't be surprise if not many would actually agree with me. Well, I just figured that scars are beautiful in their own way cus it shows that the wound is healed; and the fact that only deep wounds leave scars. Scar may really be aesthetically unpleasant, but it's the only sign that shows that the wound has closed up, and it's healed.

一笑而過

2009-02-15T00:50:00.000+08:00

有時候，時間會慢慢累積著不愉快。然後就會讓我想起很多的傷害與侮辱。但是又再想想 -- 人是軟弱的。

最近在一所小學代班時，看到課室貼著一個這樣寫著的海報

"Ignore mean words."

只要把手放開，一笑而過，一切縂會過去的。時間是個奇妙的東西 -- 雖然它會累積著傷害，我相信它也能讓傷口復原。

Sometimes, I'm reminded of many unhappiness. Things in the past that brought upon hurt and insult. But come to think of it, humans are weak...

Then when I was relief teaching in a primary school recently, I chanced upon this poster in the classroom,

"Ignore mean words."

Probably it's better to let go, laugh away, since everything will just past away. The way time works is fascinating -- it may accumulate much unhappiness, but at the same time, it heals your wound.

L-O-V-E

2009-02-14T23:27:00.002+08:00

I love creation (well, probably with the exception of household pests and that alike). Every creation points to God.

I love the fact that us humans are wired differently. No such thing as identical fingerprint, no identical personality.

I love the fact that wind shapes the earth (specifically the rock formations and the change in shape after weathering). And how the physical landscape changes with time.

Thank God for time. That it's another wonder that shapes men.

Thank God for companionship. Each one of us has our own personal destiny to fulfil. It's great that there will be a special someone who would share our destinies together.

Thank God for love. Unfading, unfailing, everlasting. Love that's only found in Him and blessed by Him.

another twenty5

2009-02-02T19:22:00.007+08:00

This is amazing. I've got friends who have difficulty coming up with the 25 random things, but I can actually think of another 25!

1. Back in secondary school, my DM asked me to correct my skirt because it was too long.

2. I took only 15 minutes to learn how to wear contact lenses.

3. I'm the youngest in the family. The age gaps between my siblings and I are huge. 14 and 11 respectively.

4. I like going to airport and orchard because they are places where I can see more jap.

5. I realised that I dislike unfiltered social gatherings.

6. I had braces since 080808.

7. I had single eyelids, then double-single, then double. But it appears to be double because there's creased lines on my eyelids. I'll become single eyelid again when I cried too hard and make my eyes swollen.

8. Which explains why I wore specs on some days during JC because I watched 1 litre of tears till late, and cried from episode one all the way to episode end.

9. To date, I've only had one birthday party. And it kinda left me v hurt then (primary 2, that is).

10. I've always thought being borned is July was kinda special until I went to secondary school and discovered many more July babies.

11. I like the crab that represents cancer (though I don't believe in horoscope).

12. I have an old injury on my right ankle and it hurts now.

13. I loved at first sight -- Cinnamoroll.

14. I love coffee. All sorts of them.

15. I like the taste of ice wine.

16. I sing LOUDLY in the lift when I'm alone.

17. When I travel alone on bus, I'll pretend to sleep, but in fact I'm listening to random people's conversations.

18. I watch movies alone at cinemas at times.

19. I had short hair during P1-P4 due to a stupid school rule (transferred to another a school in the East after shifting house). That's the only time when I had short hair and it's a nightmare.

20. There's this guy who stays near me and carries a black volcom bag with a num's snap me badge -- I think he's cute. Though I've seen him like only twice? Haha

21. Jack Russell, Jack Russell, Jack Russell. That's not my boyfriend's name. It's the terrier I want to own.

22. There are times when I watch too much Jdrama and anime, so much so that when I go to shopping malls, I would think that they're playing Jpop and the people are speaking in Japanese.

23. I'm still sad over the fact that my blanket is stuck in Ipoh and that no one really bothers except me :(

24. I wanted to get a tongue piercing but abandoned the idea cus it'd be really difficult to clean the tongue.

25. I think dimples are really nice. My mum has them, my nephews have them, but my siblings and I do not have them. Sad

*Edit

26. I like to take hot hot showers. Like got steam coming out of the water that kind.

27. I dont dip my jiao zi into the black vinegar. I drink the small amounts of the vinegar when eating the jiao zi.

read&read&read

2009-02-01T02:37:00.002+08:00

I've been reading jpod. It's really different from all the books that I read. I picked up the book largely because many book critics suggested that it would be v entertaining. And sure it is! To be exact, it's insane. I didnt realise how insane and ridiculous it was until I remembered some funny details in the book and started telling bing more about it. When I was retelling the details, it triggered me to recall even more stupid details. Hahahahaha..

Then one fine day I was flipping through the newspapers and found out that 22 people in Australia died from heatstrokes, 27 people in USA froze to death. The whole climate change is so frightening. It's really scaring me. Much destruction on the environment is actually due to the convenience of men. Do I want to lead a lifestyle which is convenient but threatens lives? Probably not. I better correct my own bad habits and not contribute further to this disaster!

unnamed

2009-01-30T23:30:00.000+08:00

I think Miss Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named is thinking bout romance over the past months, and especially so this past few weeks. Unlike her, I dont express myself freely on this. Haha but I can feel my curiousity leaking indefinitely since there's now punctures on that thin membrane which used to protect it.

when i feel alien..

2009-01-24T23:38:00.002+08:00

I feel super detached from the world, from like everyone, from.. many things! I didn't even really interact w anyone after service today. Let me recall the people I had contacted/ have been in contact for the past week (includes today).

Van, Sinhwee, Staelen, Yanbing, George, Weixuan, Jingyu, Raph, Kenneth, Lowell, Suhuai, Kahhui, Germaine, Peiwen, Aining, Sihui, Keli, Benjamin, Samuel, Joyce, Serene, Shiqi, Teacher-in-charge from EPPS, (and a few names that I can't remember), ...

*Side note: Of which half of them I'm kinda "obliged" to contact them cus I have to work with them.

If you are any one of them above, be glad alright. It's like an honour list. My social circle and my network is ever shrinking. Haii.. I would really love to stay connected with people, my friends. Aiya but somehow, there's just not enough intentional effort on my side and I'm not being v proactive. Some other reasons for this phenomenon:

1. Everyone seems busy, everyone is busy.

2. I was sick for the week, low motivation for everything.

3. I dislike rejections, thus I don't like to initiate too many things.

4. I stayed home from Wednesday - Friday.

5. I appeared offline and watch Naruto Shippuuden.

6. No messages to reply.

Chinese New Year is coming! "Timely" indeed. When I'm still sick, and I just don't feel like being sociable. Eeeks leh like eeeks. And probably, my cousins will ask me questions pertaining to da sensitive issue. I can imagine locking myself in a room and read my book all day long while the TV is on and the adults and some of my cousins play mahjong, gamble, be merry. BUT, somehow I will try to be unlike what I imagine myself to be. Rah, I'll try.

My goodness, re-reading this whole post makes me think, i is loser.

gmail

2009-01-23T14:07:00.004+08:00

It's amazing how things like this can really hint you something important

Edit: Figured that it's way too small to read what's on it. Anyway it's a quote from Charles Darwin that says "A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life."

(empty)

2009-01-22T16:23:00.003+08:00

As St. Valentine's Day approaches, lovers all over the world and the BFFs will be making a super big fuss over it. Wondering why the BFFs are included in this romantic affair? Cus that's always a casual cover-up for all singles. You don't need celebrate the occasion with your significant other half, you can always celebrate your friendship with your best friends! (Yar right. Whee, just be kind and make everyone happy on the 14 of Feb.) Oh and to support my earlier point that everyone over the world is going to make a super big fuss over it, let's see where on the globe is there gonna be a record-breaking something. Like...

Most number of couples taking part in a couple race.

Most number of couples kissing at Times Square (one of the more posh and big space I could think of to facilitate such a contest).

Most number of couples cycling in tandem.

Longest line of couples formed on the Great Wall of China (if they can really occupy the whole of Chang Cheng, it'd really be an incredible feat!).

The couple who hugged each other for the longest in Antarctica. (They braved the icy winds and cold chills, so much so they almost became living fossils. Hahahahaha)

Ok, this post became so inconclusive. I'm just somewhat curious...

to date

2009-01-22T01:07:00.002+08:00

It dawned on me that many things that I've done can never be undone. And these are the times when I can't really help myself but sigh. This probably extended from something I learnt recently, that what you have in mind, comes out from your mouth, and then followed up by actions. That's really something to remind me from now on -- never to be too hasty and to stop myself at stage 1 (when things aren't suppose to turn out well, that is).

19 years and 6 months

I can't possibly act like I'm totally helpless and wait for a rescue team to make a big affair when I fall and get a cut. On the other hand, I'm not an all-knowing-somebody who can help myself at all times. So it's only sane to strike a balance between the two right? Seeking for help when needed and depend on yourself when you can. Ah ha! That's the tricky part. Easier said than done. On nights when this issue bothers me, I really hoped that 1 -- there's a potion to make me grow old faster or 2 -- I can hibernate like a bear, skipping some nonsense in life.

12 Jan 2009,

the 2008 secondary 4 students finally got back their results. Quoted from one of my friends,

"I'm prepared for the worst and the worst came out."

Just 10 months ago, the results I got was not the worst but I had to make that worst decision. Through that experience, it broke me completely. There are times when I become so pessimistic that I thought I can never be whole again, I thought I'm a loser for life. However it's through that same experience that I can say this today:

I believe that when God closes some doors, He opens some for you as well. There may even be small open windows that you didn't take notice while you're on your journey.

And soon, I'll be put to another test. Like what I wrote for the beginning of this post, everything I did can never be undone. One of the most positive take is to remain forward-looking.

The journey continues

chi-bi

2009-01-18T02:04:00.008+08:00

I LOVE KONG MING!

Hahaha.. this is my first declaration of love to Kong Ming :D

I think Takeshi Kaneshiro made me think that he's really smart, intelligent, genius, charming, handsome, dazzling, patient, humorous, ... (the list goes on!) Perhaps I should marry someone with the surname Kong. Probably he'd be in Kong Ming's lineage! Then I'll give birth to an IQ-200 son. He'd advance many many levels and graduate university with a degree by 15. HAHAHA ok fine, I'm too forward looking.

Anyway, I was excited to find out even more about Kong Ming, and most importantly that highly intelligent line that he said in the movie. So as usual, I googled! In the end I found out that:

诸葛亮 is 三国时期的骂人之王 and

“周郎妙计安天下，赔了夫人又折兵” came from him!

If I knew that all these chinese idioms were from Kong Ming, I would have learnt them really well! Hahaha.. jokes. Because the movies, Red Cliff I & II are such simplistic versions of the real story, it really makes me wanna read them! So anybody knows who has or what, tell me so that I can borrow! :)

YAY great great. Second movie of the year. And I finally got to watch Ip-man. Great movie great movie. As good as Huo Yuan Jia.

best of best of best of best

2009-01-15T00:58:00.003+08:00

I was thinking what is one of the best things that can happen to me now?

Maybe.. a bag of gold? (Impossible.)

AH! A stack of cash! :)) (Still impossible.)

What about.. opening up a medium sized parcel, return address: Ipoh, and retriving my blanket! :D (Sounds good sounds good! But hard la... haii.)

Ok. My train of thoughts stopped.

85

2009-01-10T00:54:00.002+08:00

Thank God for 85,

Thank God for Vanessa.

It's great to eat at 85! Suddenly had this chong dong to want to supper at 85 since like... Thursday night. And I just didn't manage to sleep that craving away! :( But on Friday evening, since jy and ning didn't eat dinner with Vanessa, she pei he-ed me to go 85 for dinner! HOORAY

Oyster Omelette...

Otah...

Chicken wing...

Sting ray...

Baby kai lan..

Carrot cake!

Yums ttm :D

YAY

Can't wait to go to Holland V for some delicious XO fish slice bee hoon.

Can't wait to find out where got sell really nice nyonya kuehs.

Can't wait to go the place where they sell v nice dou hua!

passion fruit

2009-01-09T23:37:00.002+08:00

Passion, is to passion fruit.

At first it looks ugly (yea my first impression of the fruit is that it looks really ugly). But when you halve it, you get really unique and nice cross-sections. Then when you eat it, it tastes tart. However, most of the products derived from the fruit are good selling, popular and for the edible ones, are actually very tasty. Like passion, at first people may not understand why you are pursuing the passion that brings you to nowhere. The process, like the taste of the fruit itself, may be sour and hard to ingest. But the satisfaction you derive from all the pursuit? Sweet.

Thus, passion, is to passion fruit. Get it?

Haha

Thank God...

2009-01-07T13:19:00.002+08:00

Recently, I've been living in my own cyber world. Updating myself and roaming around to see what happened in my friends' lives (ok, in other words -- cyber stalking). When I was looking at a particular person's profile and photos (say, Edward -- not his real name) that's when it struck me real hard. Clearly, the world's standards have encroached upon his life (I shall not go into details what those are, just know that he had picked up very undesirable habits). He was the one who once game me "Jesus Loves You" bear on my birthday, he was the one who told me he wants to get settled in a church, he was the one who... as it goes on, then I came to realise what a lousy friend I am. I mean, I can list on all these one by one, but had I been the one who remind him and knock some sense to him? Did I really show my concern? ...

Yet, I still thank God. He's shown me how men always fail, but He'll never fail. He revealed to me again, that He's the only constant. The one and only constant. And, this issue just kinda brought about much sorrow amongst many other issues. But but but! God is good. He reminded me of this when I was doing my quiet time material

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.

Matthew 18:1-5

Child-like faith dudes and dudettes. We are the little children, He's our big big father. Just like how our earthly father fixes broken stuffs, care and show concern to us in many little ways, our heavenly father is the same. He fixes even the broken relationships, puts back every single piece of your heart and make you whole again. Rediscover your child-like faith -- simple and pure.

Also, it reminded me to uphold the people I love in my prayers. Cus eventually, you'll never know what will happen as time goes by. Loving God now and serving Him does not guarantee that the person will never ever stray away from God. There's gotta be every day commitment and surrender :)

Prodigal son, lost and broken one, come back to Him.

Period.

習慣

2009-01-06T17:21:00.002+08:00

Too used to be optimistic

Too used to be pessimistic

Too used to having opportunities knocking at my door

Too used to failures

Too used to thinking much

Too used to thinking

Too used to having people walking the same path as me

Too used to being a stranger

Too used to being taken care of

Too used to being a burden

Too used to being carefree

Too used to being tied down

Too used to having dreams

Too used to wandering

Too used to go my own ways

Too used to instructed to go on other ways

Too used to...

Waiting.

I'm lost.

sexy love

2009-01-06T14:36:00.001+08:00

shuling is bored on 6 Jan 2009

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
~~4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the quiz as well as the person you got the quiz from.~~ (I shall tag no one. haha)

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
Tang Yu Zhe -- Zui Ai Hai Shi Ni

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Mika Nakashima -- I Love You

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Sixpence None The Richer -- Don't Dream It's Over

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Xu Hui Xin -- Qi Yue Qi Ri Qing

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?
Avril Lavigne feat. lil Mama -- Girlfriend

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Fan Wei Qi -- Hei Bai Pei

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
American Hi-Fi -- Another Perfect Day

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Backstreet Boys -- Incomplete

WHAT IS 2+2?
Mayday -- Wen Rou

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Gwen Stefani -- Don't Get It Twisted

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
F.I.R -- Yue Ya Wan

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Zhang Dong Liang -- Zhi Yin Wei Ni

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hillsong -- I believe

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Jay Chou - Ju Hua Tai

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Reira Feat. Yuna Ito -- Endless Story

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Ying Tao Bang -- Shou Gou

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
W-inds -- Hanamuke

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Avril Lavigne -- Knockin' On Heaven's Door

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Lifehouse -- Breathing

WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Jay Chou -- Ting Ma Ma De Hua

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
F.I.R -- Fei Xing Bu Luo

WHAT DO YOU REGRET?
Jay Chou -- Ai Wo Bie Zou

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Ah Xin -- Ji De Ai

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Vertical Horizon -- It's Over

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Gwen Stefani -- Glamorous

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Energy -- You Better Not Come Home

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Tang Yu Zhe -- Ai Wo

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Gwen Stefani -- Wind It Up

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Huang Yi Da -- Bu Luo Ge (Blog)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Ne-yo -- Sexy Love

fresh

2009-01-03T00:14:00.002+08:00

A new year has come! Like yar, a new year. I haven't come up with my new year resolutions. But I doubt I'll share them even if I had any ;) In my opinion, new year resolutions are rather personal. Off point. Anyway, though I didn't like do anything havoc for this year's countdown, I really enjoyed myself! I could actually derive so much happiness from playing sparklers :)

Mirror mirror hanging on the wall

You don't have to tell me

Who's the biggest fool of all

Ok and I finally updated my blog :)

P.S. This was saved as a draft. I probably had loads of gan dong when I first wanted to blog but lost them. Haha..

all birthdays celebrated

2008-12-29T00:23:00.003+08:00

2008 is coming to an end! It has just zoomed past me like that. How time flies!

Weixuan just turned 19 not too long ago, and Lianghan's gonna turn 20 soon. I didn't think that they're really almost a year apart until like now...

There are so many things to recount for this whole year! For now.. it's just time to count my blessings! :D

it's a long way to go

2008-12-27T20:44:00.002+08:00

I typed some trash before this. After a while, I chose to CTRL+A and DEL everything anyway. It's just because I'm back home early and started emo-ing a bit. Crap nonsense.

你听不到

home sweet home ttm

2008-12-23T22:30:00.002+08:00

I'm back to reality, I'm back home! :D

I cannot fully express my joy when I know I'm home. Haha.. this is by far the longest period of stay away from home without my family. When we were about to land, I kept looking out of the plane and saw plenty of greens, decorated with the lego-like HDBs, which is really a v famliar landscape. Then when I stepped onto the bridge, there's this familiar Changi Airport air-con smell! Finally when I was at the Singapore customs, I saw the "Welcome Home" thingy, I'm like... wah, followed by hair stand and a smile on my face! HOME HOME HOME HOME! :D Called my mummy and received good news. Got even happier :)

Anyway, I am so happy that I'm home not because I dislike Cambodia or that I'm mistreated at Cambodia.... in fact, I had a whale of time at Cambodia! I learnt plenty of things, saw plenty of things and people, had plenty of fun, and the experience is just so WOW. You won't fully know it unless you were there. I can tell you more if you ask me :)

Haiiiiiiii I'm still in the midst of doing those Christmas stuffs! I havent even start writing a single card. It's like OH NO ttm :S

jet plane

2008-12-13T00:01:00.003+08:00

In less than 7 hours, I'll be on the plane already! Gosh, this is so fast. It feels like it's only Monday, when we just had meeting the previous day. But NO, strictly speaking it's already Saturday! V fast, like vvvvvvvvv fast. Time didn't just fly, time was on the rocket.

Then now, I'm like v gan cheong. I don't know what to expect. Van keep asking if I'm excited, I mean I am, but it's like I feel that I'm very unprepared at the same thing. But what's there to prepare? Think since Monday I've been saying that I'm prepared, can't believe that right now I'm still saying the same thing. Eeeeyer. V gross leh.. Anyway to me, this trip is really quite long! 10 days in a foreign land means 10 days away from home (ok that's duh). I'll miss so many things and people at home.

I didn't know that I can be so gan cheong until I ended up laughing at the stupidest thing, cracking the worst jokes.

e.g. Eh I scared I forget to bring something really important tomorrow. What? MYSELF!

and yar, I ended up lol-ing in my little nest.

This week really zoomed past me (pardon for the repetition). Especially today! I woke up late for work, so in the end my employer called me up and said that she don't need me today (which is a REALLY embarassing incident. I refuse to elaborate). Then before she hang up, she wished me well for this trip. I went back to sleep, then I woke up at 12. Went for dinner, busy looking for my IC after which it's a false alarm cus my sister took it without my acknowledgement. Then I went to sleep. Dinner, blar blar and now. Totally no focus for the day right? I also think so. And clever me, forgot the only task that I have for myself for the day, which is to return the library books. Must be the brain degen.............. :S

Ok I'm done. I just had to do this. Haha..

OH YAR! I didn't get to Teo Heng before Cambodia trip after all. Teo Heng wait till I come back from Cambodia and I'll go visit you!

Ciao

P.S. A better title for this post should be Jet Star. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Saturday is really coming

2008-12-09T15:57:00.002+08:00

Die la die.. I realised that I still havent settled the mode of transport to airport for this Saturday! Bi jing the flight is like no where here nor there. Have to reach airport at such a donkey time, like 0430 latest ttm. That means around 0420 must reach already. Aiyo aiyo..

Plus, I went thru the to-bring list and realised that I've got some missing ones. Panic ttm. Plus I have to select some songs and do the slides? Gosh, ttm kan cheong. Ok I shall stop whining already and pack my stuffs! Boo...

Apart from whining, I came here also to blog about my new personal discovery. I realised that "No~", with the ultimate angst of 99%, is used not only by me, but I also influenced my whole family. Impacted most on the two boys, Felix and Ethonn. Hahahaha.. I shall take control on my "ok fine", if not it'd also be passed on to them.

in 5 days' time...

2008-12-08T21:50:00.004+08:00

Today's a long day man.

It was a cold cold morning and so I woke up late. Hahaha.. too comfortable for sleeping. Then went for brunch and TADA! We arrived at the Cathay for 4 Christmases. Once again, sat at the couple seats, with my homo love bestie. Haha.. Had some good laughs then we began to wander...

From the Cathay to P.S., then from P.S. all the way to Taka, then from Taka to Wisma... It's been a long long time since I spent so many hours in town. We walked and walked, lim kopi, and immersed ourselves in both the emo emo mood and the festive mood (cus it was raining by the way). Went home full (figuratively and literally) and happy.

Then I was FB-ing a while, then looked at my own profile. And so I saw this,

"If conversation was the lyrics, laughter was the music, making time spent together a melody that could be replayed over and over without getting stale."

It's a quote from Nicholas Sparks' Dear John (if I didn't remember it wrongly). So I thought that it's really heart warming to have such close friends that resonates the idea in this statement. And of course, I'm very thankful and grateful for that.

Also suddenly, it dawned upon me that I'm leaving for Cambodia very soon! And I won't be seeing many of my friends for so many days. Some for 14 days, some even longer than that! :( It's my first time leaving the country for such a long time man. Seriously. And my mother has to scare me and say I can't take care of myself. RAH, so encouraging -.-

Cambodia I'm coming!

I will miss you all :(

all else fades

2008-12-07T21:46:00.003+08:00

It's been so so long since I last blogged. Haha.. I actually blog more often when I have less time to play with. I wonder where were my priorities then... Back to updating, I'm having a very hard time with B! :'( B for braces la. Totally don't like braces man. I was whining to my mum about the pain, then she says this is the price that I have to pay. But still! :'( PAIN. Thank God for two things: xi gua shuang and wax. The ulcers do not seem to be healing even after generous application of xi gua shuang. It helped to ease the pain for a lil while, but the ulcer is still there and it hurts! This is probably the worst phase that I have to go through man. The ulcer even bleed cus it gets hooked onto the braces and wire or in other words, the braces just pierce into it. I guess this is too much information, lol. To date, I have 2 ulcers on my tongue, 2 at the side (and not healed). Conclusion: pain. Hahahaha if you actually bother to read the whole of the first paragraph, I salute you man. I'm so losing focus :S

YAY anyway I mia-ed online and FB cus I was away for a camp. LOVEUs camp! It revealed to me a lot of stuff. From my own weaknesses, understanding the people, shortcomings of the ministry in general, God's faithfulness, and just.. plenty. Really hope that LOVEUs camp would be an every year thing. I shall not blog in detail here cus it'd be so long that it'd probably drive you away.

I'm preparing for a mission trip. This time it's to Cambodia. My last mission trip was to Ipoh. I believe it's gonna be exciting! :D

Anyway, I feel so happy to step into the library and borrow books. 3 years ago, I never imagined that I would one day grow to like reading. There was a period of time whereby I totally reject reading man. Every year I would hand in the same English book review (which is by the way Louisa May Alcott's Little Women) and my Chinese book review would be copied from the foreward of the book plus some of my friends' ideas. Hahahaha come to think of it, it's just so silly la. Now I discovered plenty benefits of reading. And one of the greatest benefits of reading is that you can always quote the author without others knowing and pretend to be the wise young lady among the crowd. Haha. I'm currently reading The Alchemist and Jpod. If you've got good titles or author to recommend, please tell me! :)

"People say strange things, the boy thought. Sometimes it's better to be with the sheep, who don't say anything. And better still to be alone with one's books. They tell their incredible stories at the time you want to hear them. But when you're talking to people, they say some things that are so strange that you don't know how to continue the conversation."

Totally agree.

I feel a little sad recently. Cus I'm gradually losing the art of expressing myself. More and more people don't understand what I mean. I am also gradually not understanding myself. Haii.. it's so weird. It's just like having an identity crisis at the age of 19, or perhaps this is a sign of personality split. Aiyo aiyo, sobs. Chui ttm.

poof and it's OVER!

2008-11-25T20:28:00.002+08:00

This is my very first post-exams post!

YAY it's over it's over it's over!

Come on, say after me, "it's over!".

If you wondered, it's like how weird that the previous post is published once I finished my paper. Haha.. it has been scheduled long ago one! It's one of the many songs that motivated me to go on. Nice song right? ;)

Anyway, back to that, so A levels is once again gone, just like that. I cannot promise that I will do better this year as compared to last year, I'm only sure I'll be able to find my way out of it. To compensate for what I've done and not done, I will probably upgrade myself. Do suggest what I can do in those 7-8 months I have.

Unlike last year, the first thing I went to do after my last paper is to make a blood donation! I think I can post an entry on that itself. As long as you are healthy, go ahead and donate blood man! Especially boys and men. People need your blood. It was an even more meaningful day for dear tea since it's one of the must-dos on her list :)

Next, I went to watch a live recording! If any one of you watch okto live, I went for that. Just to support my Joyce's project and to accompany Shiqi. Long time since we catch up also :D It's one of the 4 first times I have in this month.

My other first times:

I sat at the Cathay couple seats for the first time (it's with my sister and little nephew).

I sat on the ferris wheel in the mall.

I went for the my very first facial.

Friday - Sunday was great as well!

Friday go Sentosa play play play. The taste of sea water is really nasty! Then proceeded to Kim Gary and TEO HENG! I missed Teo Heng so much man. After Teo Heng, it was supper at Simpang! Woah, it's indeed a wonderday.

Saturday after service and cell, we actually went to the all time favourite, airport for dinner! That staff canteen that captured plenty of our memories. It's like I've been here before. Like deja vu. Those days are over and we all live for the better :D

Other than waking up late for meeting on Sunday, the day's great! Ikea breakfast to add cheers to the day. Then went to play ball (both netball and pseudo basketball). The body ache, an after effect of the ball playing, is such a familiar one and just shioks. Dinner at Whitesands and Nihon Mura! Ok I'm not that a pig la, I only drank hot yuan yang at Whitesands and went to Nihon Mura for dinner with my family.

See, everyday's filled with excitement.

Cool stuff.

Seize the day and live like I've never been before.

2008-11-18T09:15:00.003+08:00

I'm far away from what I've known
and there's static on the radio
Just a girl in a car on a lonely highway
I've been up and down this winding road
It's getting dark, the stores are closed
The map is wrinkled
my coffee's turned to grey

But I'm on my way,
I'm on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I'll be alright
Cus I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Sweet embrace,
I'm on my way

So many beat-up cars on this dirt road
I see them sputter and start to choke
How many miles must I go
till I rest in your grace
I feel like giving up and letting go
Let the world invade my mind, my soul
Will this road make me,
a sinner or a saint

But I'm on my way,
I'm on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I'll be alright
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Don't give up on me
I'm on my way

I can picture your smiling face
Your arms stretched to hold me
Waiting there by the gate
And if I ever get lost
I know that you'll find me
There's a cross on a hill saying
"Do not be afraid"

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
If I keep you in my sight
I know I'll be alright
Cus I'm on my way
I'm on my way
There seems to be no end in sight
But I know I'll be alright
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Don't give up on me
I'm on my way

favouriteday

2008-11-08T11:42:00.002+08:00

I'm only left with 5 papers! Gosh, the week just zoomed past me like that. Kinda unbelievable. Too much details to update. It'd probably take me 101 days to describe the ups and downs, the turmoil as well as the joy.

To date, it is impressed upon me that I ought to be grateful with what I have and received. Because I know I'm not walking alone when you try to walk with me. Because I've got you who remembers, and prays with me, for me. Because I've got you, whom I can just sit down with, then complain bout life's what's nots, whine and whine and whine, able to strip most defences, and then actually understand each other even though sometimes both of us are talking. Because I've got you that goes the extra mile when I need help. Because I've got a family who tries hard to put up with my weird temper. Because I've got He who reigns, and He protects me from being crushed though I'm so hard pressed on every side. I'm really so thankful and grateful for these many people.

Love always trust, always protects, always perseveres.

A life of simple pleasures will really get you to move on =)

Wednesday

2008-10-29T23:51:00.003+08:00

It's mid week yo.

Sigh, I'm still in the midst of chiong-ing whatever I can! I'm only 4 days away. I've been trying to get things into my head so much so that I keep reading, writing, doing... to a state whereby I don't really use my brain to think independently. Especially for GP, I've been reading so many ideas presented by other people and reading many information on this and that, then I'll just casually adopt their ideas to become mine. Where are my ideas then? They're nowhere to be found, as long as my brain don't work to think of them. Haha.. Suddenly, I find that whatever I'm typing now is like so confusing and misleading. In other words, I just feel that my brain's degenerating.

Oh yar, forgot to mention. I so miss my blanket (aka ru3 bei4). It's been with me through the ups and downs. I met it even earlier than some on my now-besties. It really contains plenty of memories since birth. I hope it'd come back to me soon (and I choose not to believe that it's a rugged piece of cloth somewhere in Malaysia).

I can smell my weekend! :D
(as well as A levels, yuck)

-

2008-10-26T21:06:00.003+08:00

The pessimist says,
"That's self-centeredness."

The optimist says,
"That's all for your own good."

In addition,

2008-10-24T22:58:00.004+08:00

Yes yes, just wanted to say that I can't wait for my life after A's! Ultra luxury, I'm gonna re-live my 8 month long break! Can't stop thinking about it too. The bits and pieces of "What I'm gonna do after A's" run thru my mind every now and then, even when studying. :D Really something to look forward to. Haha..

On the day I end my exams, i.e. 18 Nov, I'm gonna go donate blood, and go to National Library to borrow book(s). The rest of the day's not planned yet. (Should I get a haircut and dye my hair? Or have some great dinner.. hmm.)

Then for my v long break, I've also thought of touring Singapore! It's something that I've not really done before (apart from those learning journey which force you to go like Chinatown and weird weird places). THEN JUST NICE, it's really too just nice, my father brought back some brochures and booklets from his goodie bag for some run, and it contained "Heritage Trails" which is totally what I needed for my Singapore tour.

Life's exciting & good things come in a pair! :D

Oh... A!

2008-10-24T22:39:00.000+08:00

Woah, how time flies! I'm only 9 days away from big A. Plus another 16 days to the official end of it. This year's so different. There's really the lack of "peers' support". Haha, I'm not trying to say that I'm ultra reliant on my peers, it's just that this year's just so different. Cus most of your goodie friends and close peeps arent walking down the same path as you.

I still remember the time spent studying at the airport staff canteen, despite there's a sign which says "No studying". Then, when Peiwen came down to eat dinner with us (we waited until we were super hungry), and bought us drinks after dinner - I remember that too. Also, at Pacific Coffee, Starbucks coffee. Especially the outlets at City Hall, Airport and Tampines Mall. Along the way, there were also downs. Times when I don't feel like going out to study, cus I feel that my progress is incomparable to my friends' (kinda silly come to think of it). Studying in church. Feeling ridiculously saturated and scribbling nonsense on each other's stuff. Drawing nonsense of plain papers too. And! A new discovery for me when I realised another word for deductive question is elucidation. Recalled something again! Complaining non stop to each other online. Oh my, that was standard. Rotting is to studying, haha.

Good bye my younger days.
The challenge now is discipline and faith.

wo jue dui bu yao hou hui wo de xuan ze

Rei X Kenzo

2008-10-18T22:37:00.002+08:00

"So near yet so far..."
what a tired cliche that is right?

I nearly wanted to put that as my personal message for tonight. Then come to think of it, the things which I thought were so far were never near. It was the lack of focus that caused me not to see it.

Recently, I've been trying to think about my future (like again). I really need wisdom for above to be able to figure out things little by little. And that, demands an even closer walk with Him.

To me, there's one thing that's seemingly near but usually far ahead of me. Dreams. Yea, those tasty and intangible ideals. To be able to have room for improvement, these ideals are often pushed to a higher level everytime you try to near it. It pushes you for the better cus no one works toward their ideals at discounted rates. If I'm right about that, I shouldn't stay here any longer...

It's a not so happy weekend.

you

2008-10-16T20:51:00.005+08:00

I've been dating B for quite some time already.

To be exact, it's been 2 months and 8 days. The days spent with B has been so far so good. It's just that sometimes, some things will get stuck between us, and I have to brush them off. Despite all these, B has proved to be faithful. B is always 24/7 by my side, and never left me since the day B's with me. So sweet right? But but, B is one of few words, or rather, B has never spoken. How did we manage to communicate and get together? It's all God blessed and much to my personal arrangement. I didn't force B to it. Someone else did. AND! I made sacrifices ok! Major life sacrifices. I kept them with me so that I won't break up with B. There were really times B hurt me so much, and make me lose my appettite :( In some sense, B is indeed evil! On top of that, B mood swings too. Just like us girls, B changes colour every month. Weird B weird B. To be thankful, I can choose the colour B changes into :) B's love language? I've only known B for that limited number of days, but I would like to guess that B's primary love language is acts of service. The other one must be quality time... since B always make a point to be with me. Ok ok, enough of me and B. Wish us a blissful relationship alright? :D

Shh... B is for braces :)

weekend is here!

2008-10-11T01:38:00.001+08:00

One little, two little, three little Indian.
Four little, five little, six little Indian.
Seven little, eight little, nine little Indian.
Ten little Indian boys!

That's the result of too much Mathematics.
Say YAY to weekend :D

gifts

2008-10-08T01:23:00.000+08:00

I've always wanted to write about this, but I didn't know how to put it. Actually, there's no zhong dian to wwhat I'm about to write. So yar... just read for fun if you want to :)

Especially recently, I've recognised that there's this little kid in me that wants to be showered with love love gifts gifts love (Honestly, there are also day dream adult wise. like I imagine there'll be people who will buy flowers just because they remember you at that moment.) Stuck in there, even when there's this growth in wisdom, growth in... whatsoever. So this kid always yell, always wants this wants that, yada. And particularly over these years, this kid is... deprived. Thus pertaining to that, I try to feed myself. I end up buying things that I like for myself (and that's on top of what I spend on others). I did all these, subconsciously (a bit scary. took me quite a while to find out). I don't know if this is an excuse for my minor case of consumerism, or some cyclic pattern... ultimately my guess is otherwise. I did hope that my primary love love love language wasn't this. Haii. I'm not exactly sure if this way of receiving love is within my control, but I shall work on it.

Ok enough said. Or else that lil kid that sees green everywhere would dominate once more.

wonder-weekend!

2008-10-04T01:58:00.003+08:00

yo!

My long awaited wonder-weekend is finally here! :D Excluding this weekend, I'm only 4 weekends away from giant A. RAH, that's reality. Anyway, I found my ultra private A level (2007) diary. Hahahaha.. Reading thru the 18 entries briefly, I saw myself in the past and saw what I can do to make a difference. Though I have my limitations this year, I have to work along with them. Life's not that smooth sailing after all.

And after all those hecticness and crazy nights and lazy mornings, trying to stretch myself a lil bit more each time, I want to be able to say no matter what is on that paper -- the one that potentially crushes dreams or ignites hope -- that "Whatever God gives to me is the best."

recharged

2008-09-21T18:46:00.006+08:00

ALL SMILES! :D
Yay, I kinda liked that little getaway.
Refreshing, relaxing, rejuvenating.

Day 1, was craving for Subway before we went up the cruise. Hahaha.. So went to take away a Sub and some cookies. The cookies were gone before we reached our cabins. My sister and nephews and I were hungry, cus we didn't have lunch. As we walked down the gangway, up the cruise, my sister was totally excited. She's even more excited than my nephews! Cus it's her very first time cruising. Haha.. TA DA! We're finally on the cruise and the first thing we did was to go to our cabins. And gosh, the cabins are ridiculously small! My sister didn't have any prior experience, thus she didn't expect such small rooms. More discoveries ahead... WAH there are like tonnnes of food on the cruise can. I really mean tonnes (considering the capacity of Superstar Aquarius is >1500 people). BUT, the food aren't like particularly v good food. Therefore after some bites at dinner, I went back to my cabin and slurped my SUB! :D After dinner, there's really nothing to do! I watched teevee for a little while, then realised that I can't waste my time on the cruise watching teevee. Haha.. And so I went to roam around the ship (particularly the outside)! Cool stuff, the sea wind was... erm... strong? My senses were all alert. Conclusion, the strong sea wind works better than caffine. I did lame stuffs myself. Like getting up to the highest deck (outdoor) and lie on the floor, explored those really really dark places without a torch light, ... Too much details will bore you I guess (yes, I know I'm being contradictory). Then I felt tired and lonely me went back to cabin to sleep.

Day 2, woke up and proceed to... eat!! Now I finally know what some people had been trying to tell me. Go cruise is really to eat and sleep. Hahaha.. well well, to a certain extent, can't deny that. I continued to explore the place, to realise that they have v pathetic entertainment facilities (casinos aside). The library is pathetic, no books no tables. They have computers and internet! But, it cost a bomb to use them. If I did not remember wrongly, it costs $8 per hour. How expensive is that! The jogging track? It's just a v wide corridor. I regret not bringing my shoes though. Cus the gym facilities are much better than expected. After walking aimlessly, decided to play with my nephews, then eat (again). At some times on the cruise, I could really feel the motion of the cruise! Bobbing up and down. It's as though I've got this body pendulum that sways with the motion of the cruise. Both my sister and I experienced that. And we were so surprised that we were the only ones around that looked affected by the motion. At night, there's this alfresco dining! Essentially, it's just BBQ food :) Best meal on the cruise I must say. Plus the red wine... wah, fantastic. The night is still young. Thus, it's star gazing time! This time, there's no land in sight ok! I find it a bit scary. Cus we're somewhere in the South China Sea, and there's no land??? Eeeeeyer. But also because of that, the surroundings are extremely dark, and the stars in the sky became more obvious. I stepped out and stargaze, and the stars just twinkled and twinkled and twinkled. The night sky and the stars could possibly be the best fabric in the world. So pretty. I definitely wished someone special was beside me, so I went back to my cabin and called my sister. Shortly, my bro-in-law, sister and nephew joined me! :D Star gazed a lil more longer and went back to cabins. Last night on the cruise, so I asked my sister to supper with me! (Yes, they provide supper.. eat all day long!) It was a great time spent with her. She just talked and talked and shared some things with me and talked and talked that I don't dare to interrupt her and say that I'm tired. We were there since 2329 and left only at 0130 plus minus.

Day 3, I woke up early and I managed to pack my things within like 15 min! Must be those student camps that trained me well. Somemore, this time's only 3D2N. Bye bye Superstar Aquarius!!

Last words bout the cruise: Overall I really enjoyed myself. It would be better if went with friends. It's a pity that I didn't catch the sunrise! Too early la.. and no one would have stayed up with me. OH YAR! One more thing, I don't like the toilets on the cruise. The waste are "sucked" away, so there's this v loud sound everytime you flush! It's really loud. So loud that I cover my ears. Other than that, I kinda miss the life on the cruise now.

life on a cruise

2008-09-19T15:52:00.002+08:00

Sigh no time for a longer post, after all that procrastination.
For the coming 3 days and 2 nights, I'm gonna be on a cruise.
Missing out on weekend can.
Aiyo *faints.
Hopefully it's time well spent with family and a great recharge.
:D

I lift up my eyees to the hills
where does my help comes from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth.

I'm feeling blue

2008-09-18T11:34:00.002+08:00

la lalala la lalala lalala
Where have all the money gone to?
Not in the bank, not in my piggy bank, not anywhere :(
Negative savings, received interest that was less than $1.
I thought very hard, and realised that one of the only things which I spent a lot on is my wallet (by which I'm still lovin' it, and is using). Then... where else did my money go? Oh yar ok, still got the Malaysia trip in June. Other than that.... NO MORE! So where did all the money go? :( Blue ttm. I was probably too reliant on pocket money, so much so that the peas that I earn is insufficient to cover.

I'm feeling even bluer, because I'm seperated eternally from my precious cross pendant that reminded me of many many things (yea, I'm still mourning over it), and I'm seperated till don't-know-when from my blanket (i.e. the one I got from birth, that has v old school checkered patterns on it) :(
All the more, blue.

Plus, all the nonsense piling up, and that self-made countdown calendar that reminds me that it's only 46 days away. Some people say I don't look stressed up at all. Well, I don't know. It's a mixed feelings that I have now. I would think that disappointing and upseting myself is far worse than having bad grades. A lil hard to understand? Haha, I think so too. Blue la blue.

On a less blue note, I enjoyed my week though I'm really tired.
Day one stayed over at Qi's place. Other than eating and drinking and simply laze around, we dug out that letter that I wrote to her years ago. She claimed the other time that I used a lot of vulgarities, but okay la, only 3. One in the perspective of hers, one mine, and the other I forgot. I must have been really not v lovable then. Give thanks that I changed for the better. Like way better. Still, I won't be ashamed of who I am in the past. Displaying the past shulings in life helps me to appreciate the current me even more.

Day two, had a great time cooking a great meal for zhirongnosaurus (it's been long since I used this!). Chef and assisstant cooked a meal that's like how wonderful. Right? Oh by the way, I babysitted my little nephew at the same time! Wahaha, guess I'm yet another step closer to being a homemaker. Love those mates I have in JC, who walked through quite deep a valley with me, and lent me their shoulders.

Day three, morning spent with mummy, before I went to the student care. I'm happy there. The students are just so harmless and cute. Quite pleasant too.

Day four, which is today! YAY gonna meet up with VLW. Haha, damn coded can. I shall enjoy my day!

Anyways, day five, six and seven would be away from home, on a nowhere cruise.
Maybe, I shouldn't be that blue after all.

Love the life you lead, lead the life you love.

shoulder

2008-09-11T21:59:00.002+08:00

When was the last time you cried on somebody's shoulders?
I could still vividly recall myself crying on many shoulders on the day I receive my A levels result. That's probably one of the fortunate times when I want them, and they're there. The kinda security and comfort that you feel then and there is sometimes beyond words man. Not that I'm feeling emo emo, but I'm just glad that people were there for me when I needed them :)

Are you still gonna offer me your shoulders when I'm down?
Dear friends, I'm gonna offer mine when you need me :D

huh?! you mean only 53?!

I'm a girl

2008-09-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

Yoyo wazzzsup
Bored ttm. And.. probably just because I want to be lazy for a while. Watched Hana Yori Dango Final! I totally don't mind watching like a second time can. Hahaha.. I think there's just this little voice in girls/women, ok females in general, that is... to be in a modern fairytale, just like Tsukushi (otherwise known as Shan Cai). The whole flow of it is perfect, though not possible in real life... sad. Still, it ROCKS LA I totally fell in love with the Japanese (dramas and movies) human version of Hana Yori Dango. I didn't manage to read the manga, but I watched the animation more than once. Love it!

This is random, but I realised that guys who have fringe attracts me.
Like:

Ok I'm not finished. Haha..
Time goes by so slowly when I'm occupied with studying and doing things alone. Every Saturday just seems so far away. But on the other hand, I don't like it when time flies past me, cus that's when I didn't spend enough time studying. RAH so conclusion is I rather time pass me by slowly, since I don't want to fail myself another time.

Lord, I can't do it without You today.

2008-09-05T21:31:00.005+08:00

All the way my Saviour leads me
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heavenly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus always does all things well

All that I am
All that I have
All that I'm going to be
Giver of life
Giver of hope
I owe it all
To You

All the way my Saviour leads me,
Cheers each winding path I tread;
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the living Bread.
Though my weary steps may falter,
And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see.

All the way my Savior leads me
O the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father’s house above.
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages—
Jesus led me all the way;
This my song through endless ages—
Jesus led me all the way

“All The Way My Savior Leads Me” was written by one of the most prolific songwriters in history. Fanny Crosby wrote over 8,000 Christian hymns despite the handicapped she struggled with during her life. An inept doctor left Fanny without her eyesight at six weeks of age after a botched procedure. She said, “If perfect earthly sight were offered me tomorrow I would not accept it. I might not have sung hymns to the praise of God if I had been distracted by the beautiful and interesting things about me.” “All The Way My Savior Leads Me” is one of her songwriting masterpieces.

This beloved hymn came to Fanny as a result of a prayer. Struggling financially, she desperately needed some money. As her usual custom, Fanny began to pray. A few minutes later, a gentleman offered her five dollars, the exact amount she needed. Later recalling the incident, she said, “I have no way of accounting for this except to believe that God put it into the heart of this good man to bring the money.” The poem she wrote afterward became “All The Way My Savior Leads Me.” As both a songwriter and a woman of faith, Fanny Crosby serves as an example to all.

-- extracted from http://www.gospelpiano.com/articles/hymn-stories-4-all-the-way-my-saviour-leads-me.htm

My Saviour led my Past, is leading my Present, and is going to lead my Potential.
What about you?

*editted on 7 Sep 2008

special

2008-09-02T01:48:00.002+08:00

Now there's another word I like - we.
It's a v magical word, one "we" signifies a lot of togetherness.
:D all smiles for the new day ahead!
I think I kinda need to cultivate the habit of sleeping early and waking up early instead of staying up late and wake up at mid-day to realise I've spent my wonderful morning sleeping.

GO GO!
JDI - 62

how much are you tagged at?

2008-09-01T16:52:00.002+08:00

I've been thinking about that question for quite some time (it amazes me that I've actually got such brain capacity to ponder upon such random things). Probably what a friend told me bout upholding her image sparked all these thoughts. It's indeed an interesting question to ask -- how far would you go to uphold the certain image that you create for yourself? Ultimately, that image that you uphold and impress upon others is gonna affect how others judge you, and thus the price tagged on you. I believe no one can disagree to that. I've got pretty close-to-us empirical situations that should be able to illustrate my point.

When you go for an interview, first be glad that you've passed the awful test of good grades. Next, you must be able to sell youself to clinch what you wanna achieve. How? By concealing as many negative points as possible, and showcase all the plus points for all to see. If you fail to do so, you just prove yourself to be some average Joe. Nothing special, nothing unique. The price tagged? Lower than expected, no further news bout the job or scholarship that you're very much adequately able for.

Also, let's talk about Project Work. Why is it that those people who aren't heavily involved throughout the course of work score better than those who actually work their hearts out for the written side of project work? It's the confidence, image and knowledge that you present on this one and only show face opportunity that counts. Moreover, they always assume that people put in equal efforts on the written work ("screw that assumption" -- yes I heard you). Thus even if you aren't heavily involved, you could still ace it through your personal performance over that few minutes of presentation. This is horrid, but in fact true.

Personally, I'm still not very sure how far I would go to put up that act. The act of presenting yourself all angelic and nice, suppressing your Little Miss Ds or Mr Ds (D is to devil, is to evil doings). Most importantly, what I think is that no matter the price tagged on you, no matter how others look up to you or look down on you, that's not the ultimate value that matters. For all these fade away. Many years down the road, the ink will smudge. The thick layer of correction fluid that covers all your previous prices would wear off too. No one can see your true value except He who created you. He who loves you clothe you in the most brilliant fabric, of colour that represents royalty. In the eyes of men, you may not be the best. But strangely, to Him, you're the best you can offer. No one can fathom what is eternal, absolutely no one. Yet He assures you of your future, and takes care of your needs -- eternally. Who can give you love as wholesome as this? None but Him :)

Anyway, I said a rather bold prayer to God. I know that there's consequences that entail my prayer, yet I really want to submit to You, and let your will unfold in my life. Weird how my prayer went, weird how selfless I was, weird how passionate I was. It's not about either, or, neither, nor -- I can't possibly box up God and limit the ways He'll answer. Wait. I shall be brave and wait patiently for Him to answer.

31.08.08!
I'm proven human cus I survived the Nike Human Race. Ok, that statement in itself is retarded. It's my first 10k! And I managed to just did it <1.5 hours! SO HAPPY CAN. Given that I've not been running for such a long time, given that I've not ran 10k in my life till then. Oh, ultra glad that I survived and back in one piece. So much so that at the moment I reached home, I went to my parents' room and report happily that I'm alive and that I completed the 10k :D YAY

01.09.08
HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!

I think for better progress, I must kinda make sure if I can put in x hours for play, I must also commit x hours back to studying. I didn't know what you told me could weigh so much heavier than others'.

Leona Lewis - Footprints in the sand

2008-09-01T16:31:00.004+08:00

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I'm going

You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much unknown
Along the way
That's when I heard you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow
And despair

And I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life flash across the sky
So many times have I been so afraid
And just when I thought I lost my way
You give me strength to carry on
That's when I heard you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow
And despair

And I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

When I'm weary
Well I know you'll be there
Cause I can feel you
When you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sadness and despair
Oh, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

When your heart is full of sadness and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend

I promise you
I'm always there
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints
In the sand

Dedicated to all you whose heart is full of sadness and despair.
He'll walk with you, and carry you through.
Don't fear, don't be afraid cus He's always there.

Nicholas Sparks - Dear John

2008-08-29T00:53:00.004+08:00

There's this surge of disappointment which rushes through my body whenever an ending is concluded with anything less than a happy ending. It just reveals too much much of life's unforgiving and unsympathetic nature. And somehow, my heart aches with that.

This is a book that is concluded with something I don't consider a happy ending. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, girl falls in love with boy as well, they go through hardships together, they exchange letters of love and words of affirmation each time, romance seems to never cease, thus they're supposed to be married happily ever after (that's in my opinion). But that's not how the story went. I shall not be a spoiler to reveal its ending. You read to find out the ending.

"Our story has three parts: a beginning, a middle and an end. And although this is the way all stories unfold, I still can't believe that ours didn't go on forever."
A hint to the story's ending.

"You're forced to learn the most important lesson in life, and that's the fact that you have to live up to your responsibilities, and you'd better do it right. "
Cool stuff.

"I've met geniuses and idiots, but when all is said and done, we do what we do for one another. For friendship. Not for country, not for patriotism, not because we're programmed killing machines, but because of the guy next to you. You fight for your friend, to keep him alive, and he fights for you, and everything about the army is built on this simple premise."
I didn't know there was such a noble yet simple motive in army. I wonder if it also applies to Singapore.

"Passion is passion. It's the excitement between tedious spaces and it doesn't matter where it's directed."
Cool stuff again. To me, it's v accurate.

"Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary."

"I've found that someone else's happiness is usually infectious."

"My dad always said that when you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realise that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through."
Cool stuff.

*START OF CONFESSION*
"You have no idea how much that last few days have meant to me," I began. "Meeting you has been the best thing that's every happened to me." I hesitated, knowing that if I stopped now, I'd never be able to say it to anyone. "I love you," I whispered.

I had always imagined the words would be hard to say, but they weren't. In all my life, I'd never been as sure of anything, and as much as I hoped to one day hear Savannah say these words to me, what mattered most was knowing that love was mine to give, without strings or expectations.

Outside, the air was beginning to cool, and I could see pools of water shimmering in the moonlight. The clouds had begun to break up, and between them, an occasional star blinked, as if to remind me of what I'd just admitted.

"Did you ever imagine something like this?" she wondered aloud. "You and me, I mean?"

"No," I said.

"It scares me a little."

My stomach flipped, and all at once, I was sure she didn't feel the same way.

"You don't have to say it back to me," I began. "that's not why I said it --"

"I know," she interrpted. "You don't understand, I wasn't scared because you told me. I gt scared becase I wanted to say it, too: I love you, John."
*END OF CONFESSION*
I love to watch (in dramas, that is) and read confessions! This is one special one

"Even now, I'm not sure how it happened. One instant we were talking, and in the next she leaned toward me. For a second, I wondered whether kissing her would break the spell we both were under, but it was too late to stop. And when her lips et mine, I knew that I could live to be a hundred and visit every country in the world, but nothing would ever compare to that single moment when I first kissed the girl of my dreams and knew that my love would last forever. "

"He'd nonetheless found a way to help me become the man I was. And to me, that was more than enough. He was my father, and he'd done his best. I knew that now."

"I like the surprise of finding a letter in the mailbox and the anxious anticipation I feel when I'm getting ready to open it. I like the fact that I can take it with me to read at my leisure, and that I can lean against a tree and feel the breeze on my face when I see your words on paper. I like to imagine the way you looked when you wrote it: what you were wearing, your surroundings, the way you held your pen. I know it's a cliche and it's probably off the mark, but I keep thinking of you sitting in a tent at a makeshift table, with an oil lamp burning beside you while the wind blows outside. It's so much more romantic than reading something on the same machine that you use to download music or research a paper. "
Just when I thought it may be too old school to be v excited over parcels and letters, this chunk makes me want to hold on to it once again.

"Did this make my love less real? I asked myself that question dozens of times during that trip, but I always decided it didn't for the simple reason that her image would ambush me when I least expected it, overwhelming me with the same ache I had the day I'd left. Anything might set it off: a friend talking about his wife, the sight of a couple holding hands, or even the way some of the villagers would smile as we passed. "

"They wouldn't understand, and I don't feel the need to explain, simply because I know in my heart how real it was. "
To some extent, this statement (in present tense) describes my love for God.

"I have to say that your last letter worried me. I want to hear about it, I need to hear about it, but I find myself holding my breath and getting scared for you whenever you tell me what your life is really like. Here I am, getting ready to go home for Thanksgiving and worrying about tests, and you're someplace dangerous, surrounded by people who want to hurt you. I just wish those people could know you like I know you, because then you'd be safe. Just like I feel safe when I'm in your arms. "
Sweets

"I barely had time to drop my duffel bag before she jumped into my arms, and the kiss that followed was like its own magic kingdom, complete with its special language and geography, fabulous myths and wonders for the ages. And when she pulled back and whispered, "I missed you so much," I felt as if I'd been put back together after spending a year cut in half. "

"Despite the warm weather, she got the fire going, and we snacked on cheese and crackers, which, aside from cereal, was about all she had to offer. It felt indescribably romantic to me, though I'd come to realise that being alone with Savannah always struck me as romantic."
Sillyly romantic.

"We would spend hours together, most of the time saying nothing at all, and it was in this quiet, unassuming way that we finally became friends. I often found myself wishing that my dad hadn't thrown away the photograph of us, and when it was time for me to return to Germany, I knew that I would miss him in a way I never had before. "

"I finally understood what true love really meant. Tim had told me -- and shown me -- that love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be."

YUP YUP! So this is the last book before my A levels. Can't wait to read more! (I can't believe myself to type that, considering the fact that I didn't really adore reading as much last time.)
No more John, more of notes.

legendary hero

2008-08-25T20:58:00.004+08:00

Are you feeling down right empty?
Are you having hangovers?
Are you staring at your TV set, craving for more olympics?

Awww.... the olympics is over. 16 days of intensive action, 43 records broke. 4 more years to 2012. I liked this year's olympics, cus I learnt something through it...

The whole world was like wow-ing and getting all so excited over Michael Phelps' history remake. He broke several world records, obtained Gold for every event he participated (to be specific, all 8). To many, he is indeed the greatest Olympian and probably some legendary hero. And so I thought, was as much attention given to athletes who broke their personal best and made it to the finals? Was attention given to athletes that put in their 101% just to obtain a medal? Probably not as much as someone like Phelps. Why is that so? There may be 1001 athletes who outdo themselves and deserve our attention, but we totally dismiss those people largely because it was very much expected out of them (i.e. to train like never before, to shine and outdo themselves on the world stage). Yet, Michael Phelps is different. He's probably too God-like and beyond imagination. We all have this inclination to admire him, and I would guess that it's probably innate. We watch him perform on his personal stage, exceeding what we expect him to, exceeding what an average Tom can do. Definitely pleasant to the eyes :) The action at the water cube are still replaying in my mind. And and and! Though he's such a history maker, he holds on to such simple dreams. I read it over the internet (crossing my fingers to believe what I read is true), that what he wants after all these is to inspire even more young swimmers, and go back to his hometown to groom more swimmers with his coach. His motive behind his swimming is so genuine and sincere (at first I thought many high flyers are just some superficial ass or arrogant donkeys). It impresses me even more because it is this same simple thing in his mind, that's probably also one of the greatest forces that helped him in achieving his 8 Olympic Gold medals.

Then another thing -- Is victory always tangible?
Haha, tough question right? I shall leave that big big question mark hanging over there. There's probably too much to mention. Not only at the times when I watch Olympics, it's also at the times when I tell myself, "Nothing less than a Gold". Give it some thought and you'll probably find yourself caught in a thought circle.

There's something our Mr. President said about the table tennis team stuck with me,
"You cannot just try your best, you must do your best."

Strangely, I thought it was meant for me too.

it's a fooooooooooooooo day :D

2008-08-23T12:17:00.002+08:00

Today (yesterday) is my last day at Foo House before my exams! RAH decided that I really have to be a full time student. Reason(s)? That'd be like another long post. Wait till I want to blog about it.. haha. TIME FLIES. I didn't realise that I've been working there for almost 2 months. Seen people go (technically speaking, vanessa), and new people come (I'm no longer the super junior). It was really an enjoyable and fun time working there. I've always thought I won't survive being a waitress. I took it up cus I want to have some pocket money. Seriously, I've seen people who treat waitresses like thrash. They think they're some big shot or something and flaunt their status anyhow. Thankfully, I haven't met any under this category thus far. And probably because of the whole working environment, the FH people, my experience is indeed unique and quite unforgetable :) I baked cookies and brownies for them, thinking that it'd be some v nice sweet treat. But the stupid brownies turned out to look like some wood. Surface damn hard. Too much cocoa powder. Bitter (as feedbacked). I felt so ashamed of them cus they didn't pass my own standard yet I was hoping that there's some potion to make them think that it's nice. Hahahahaha. I shall be contented, at least they finished the cookies. Forget about the brownies!! Oh yar, if any of you is reading this, shuling sincerely thank you! You are special to her! I'm so looking forward to my life after A levels, when I can have my another 7/8 months break.. then I can go back work, and do the things I wanna once again.

Today's main picture on the cover of Straits Times is like so depressing. Li JW in tears... like awww. Probably her last olympics and she can't get a medal, not even bronze. The CC (an acronym, go figure) la! Don't even give chance. They schemingly get all 3 medals for table tennis, tsk. Greedy CCs.

Do you remember that one of the PM's main messages in the rally is about social graces? Sadly, I still see fit people taking up the priority seats on the train (unless they're mentally disabled, that I don't know); people still spit anywhere they thought is convenient (but what goes around comes around -- they usually end up stepping on what they spat); bus queues are still cut (middle aged people are best at feigning ignorance); and too many more. Social graces? Tell me about it... It'd probably take years for the PM's rally message to take effect on the rigid Singaporeans. I shall blame it on imperfect information. Inside joke. Ask if you want to know :)

always on my mind

2008-08-21T15:23:00.005+08:00

Has something/someone preoccupied your mind and thought so much so much that you wished you could use a special device that could buzz it out altogether? I'm totally feeling so. It's not that it's super harmful or abnormal, it's just nothing beneficial! So isn't it only right to get it out of my head, like now? But I can't! Yea I know, damn weak. Hopefully, this invisible monster will die as long as I don't feed it.

On a neutral note, I want to fall in love with routine. Eat, sleep, play routine. Start a day with a routine, do with a routine, live with a routine. Then when there's pleasant breaks, pleasant surprises or dates (if applicable), I must quickly recover and fall in love with routine again, once the time for enjoyment is over. It is a need to sustain this till the end. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. Mr Routine will do me good this time. I want to enjoy routine, maximise my time and make my efforts worth while.

Time and tide waits for no man. Hiatuses needed.
Books, TV, dramas, MFBBT, Tudou, Youtube... I'll be back!

Thank you darling, you have made my whole world shining.

I thought about it and...

2008-08-18T00:13:00.006+08:00

what is it that I really really want?

I don't want the same thing that happened this year to happen next year. I'm very sure about that. I don't want to disappoint myself and others once again. I really really want to make a difference this year as compared to last year. My actions are totally not in sync with what I really really want. It feels so loserish and takes so much courage. It seems that it's stretching beyond what I can bear. And, it scares me when people around me are even more concerned that I am. Crazy me, I'm overwhelmed. I'm sad. I'm scared. I'm afraid. But thank God, cus f is for forever, f is also for friends and family.

I'll keep the promise, for me and for you.

Nicholas Sparks - The Choices

2008-08-14T00:27:00.001+08:00

I'm so into the reading mood these days! The Choices is the first Nicholas Sparks' book that I read. Kinda expected some v cliche or heart wrenching romance, but I never knew it'd be a book that'd bring me to tears. Not because it's v touching or v tragic, rather it's because it made me think of choices, and making choices that pain and hurt.

Below are just some quotes from the book which I thought are cool. They're rather long, cus it's for my own re-reading pleasures :)

The first passage that struck me -- at the one third mark of the book
"Let me put it this way. When I graduated from college, I wasn't too sure what I wanted to do, so I just decided to take a year to see the world. I had a bit of money saved - not as much as I thought I neeeded - but I packed some gear and my bike and caught a flight to Europe. I spent the first three months there just... doing whatever I felt like, and it rarely had anything to do with what I supposed to see. I didn't even have a planned itinerary. Don't get me wrong - I saw a lot. But when I think back on those months, I mostly remember the friends I made along the way and the good times we spent together. Like in Italy, I saw the Colosseum in Rome and the canals in Venice, but what i really remmber was a wwkend I spent in Bari - this out-of-the-way city in the southern part of the country that you've probably never heard of - with some Italian students I happened to meet. They took me to this little bar where a local band was playing, and even though most of them didn't speak a word of English and my Italian was limited to menu items, we ended up laughing all night long."
IT'S TOTALLY WHAT I WANT TO DO TOO.

"Here you are, making your own life with your own goals and dreams, dreams independent of the world you grew up in, the world she expected you to inhabit - simply because she did. It takes courage to do something different, and maybe what you think is disappointment in you is actually, on some deeper level, disappointment in herself."

"If conversation was the lyrics, laughter was the music, making time spent together a melody that could be replayed over and over without getting stale."

"I don't know what else to tell you, other than that I can imagine spending the rest of my life with you. I know that sounds crazy... I love you. And not just for the person you are, but for the way you make me think we can be."

"I like you. And I love you, too, of course, but hopefully you already know that. I was just trying to tell you that I like the way you talk to me. I like the fact that when you say something, I know that you really mean it. I like the fact that I can tell when you're teasing or telling the truth and when you're not. It's one of your more endearing qualities."

braces update

2008-08-11T00:03:00.002+08:00

Day 3 with braces already!
They're still not exactly a part of my mouth. And obviously, causing a lot of pain when biting. Though the pain is bearable, but... Ok, I'm full of complaints. Just so like whining to my mother about this pain and that pain. Haha, then she'll give me the v pek chek face, then say I can't even bear this kinda pain. But in the end say some things to sayang me :)

I can't chew food properly. Thus the huge amounts of liquids in the fridge - milk, soy milk, vitagen, fruit juice, yoghurt. ROCKS SIA.. surviving well on them. I found my best friends - kway teow, mashed potato. Filling and don't hurt my teeth.

Haii.. all these also signify the start of me avoiding chilli :( Cus the chilli flakes sure get stuck at the braces and I'll get pissed off cus I can't remove them. So.. well, chilli out of my diet.

Zomgz, I typed one whole lot of nonsense. And the post is actually titled braces update. Must be the after effect of Love Guru - full of nonsense.

Gee
yoU
aRe
yoU